Here was Blue, brown headed and blue eyed, the whole world to her seemed anything but what she had seen on the television screen. She was still very much naive but her opinions of things had been shaped widely from those in her immediate family or her inner circle.
She never really understood that if you loved someone why did you hurt them so. She had seen this so much at home. Her father was not the nicest man when it came to running his house. He yelled and slammed things when he got frustrated and he let anyone who did not do what he want, know how he felt. This usually involved hitting his wife, her mother.
For years Blue spent times in her room listening to all the commotion from her angry father towards her mother. She tried to close her ears but she never could fully enough to feel safe. She often wondered when his anger would turn against her. When was the day he came after her going to happen? She lived constantly fearing that. She also wondered how her much older sister could just sit in her room and let him do these things towards their mother. Why didn’t she step in and fight him? All she could surmise was that she was scared like her.
The things that set him off were things like , his supper not being made on time, bills or spending his money, and sometimes just looking at him wrong would light that anger flame. He was very irrational at times, almost trying to find a control of things that was not his to have and that no one was going to really submit to. Her mother tried to talk him down out of his anger fits, but she never was successful. In fact it made her more of a target for his aggression.
If this was love, she thought, then she did not need it or want it. She would just stick to her stuffed animals and her baby dolls for her loyal support and affection. Humans were always so moody anyway. She did wonder what her mother did that angered him so. She would not dare ask her mother, for fear of hurting her mother’s feelings.
Although she was accustomed to shouting and fits, where things were beaten up or destroyed, it was never easy. Here she was a little girl in a big people world, one that was filled with so much anger and fear. To her nothing about her home ever really felt like a safe place, never. She just knew that when she got older her job would be to step in and defend her mother, regardless of the costs to herself. She would do it to. She waited for that day when her father would have to deal with her, instead of picking on her defenseless mother.
That time would come sooner than she expected it to. Her relationship with her father was strained and awkward anyway, and she was going to jump at the chance to change things around there. She was tired of worrying that one day he was going to hurt her mom bad or worse, kill her. If it was the last and best thing she could do, she would and that was to defend her mother against that monster of a man.
Thank you for reading 🙂