Today was not unlike all the many days before for Blue. She awoke with not much on her mind, in way of things to do, but to get herself ready for school. Same as always, she was wishing she had time to stay in bed just a little more. Her covers on her bed were always so cozy and warm, from her body heat where she had lain. Blue was always so cold in the wintertime. Her parents kept the door to her room shut and the heat turned off. The sole source of heat they used was a fireplace, that was stationed in the living room. The reason for this was to save money on their power bill. Blue was certain though that they intentionally left her to freeze.
Like all kids, Blue figured there was some meaning to the fact that she had no heat in her room. Often time she figured it was a sort of punishment for something she had most certainly done. It seemed like she was always doing something that her parents did not approve of. Often, Blue wished she was perfect, but she knew that was not even remotely possible. She was simply not cut out to be perfect. Even as a kid she knew she would disappoint and bewilder much of the time, her parents.
Blue often pondered how her life would be if she had been her sister.
Her sister was way older than her and they did not resemble or think the same way. There was very little in common between her and her sister, but that really did not matter to Blue. To Blue, her sister was darn near perfect and favored by their parents. She just knew she wanted to grow into someone just like her sister. Although, she did not know how. If she was her sister, she just knew her parents would be proud of her, that they would love her through any mistake and that they would tell all their friends about her. Like they always did of her sister.
Often Blue would catch herself trying to watch her sister’s every move. She really could not understand what it was that her parents saw so special in her sister. Her sister appeared to be normal. Often her sister would walk out from her room and Blue would sneak a visit or look into her sister’s room. Blue was really just curious but also felt that maybe there was some magical power in there directing her parent’s affection towards her sister. There was no way her sister could be more important than her, surely there must some magical reason for this type of affection her sister received.
Often her sister would find her inside of her room and yell at her, running her out and quickly shutting the door behind Blue as she fled for her life. There just had to be dark secrets inside of her sister’s room, Blue just knew it. Contrary to her sister’s opinion of her, Blue wanted desperately to be close to her sister. Blue really did not know a whole lot about her sister. It was as if the years that separated them in age, separated them in love. Blue just wanted to be close to her sister, but she did not know how.
At an early age it was, Blue figured out how unfair life could be.
She was often time bewildered but not free from the bias her household had. She knew that she could try so very hard to seek her parents approval but in reality she would never get it, not like her sister did. Often she found herself feeling jealous and having self-pity. Of course, she also loved all her family and like all kids, she would continue to seek their love and approval.
Perhaps Blue was destined to be a failure, she often times thought. Maybe if she quit trying so hard to be adored, she would feel better.
Try telling a kid that…
To be continued…