“Not today”, by MwsR
“Can I talk to you?” I say
You reply, “Not today.”
I wonder if you know the sleepless nights I lay awake and cry
Do you know how hard it has been? I feel like I could die.
I sometimes run for the phone thinking this time it will be you,
But it seldom ever is, oh how I wish it to be you, it’s true!
You say you’re busy and you say it’s okay.
But I know things are not that way.
I wonder if you contemplate your future for even a little?
Do you know you put us in the middle?
I wish that you had of listened while you were still here,
Then we would not have so much to endure.
Sometimes whether you acknowledge things or not
Time has a way of securing things into an endless knot.
The kind that burns down deep inside a person’s soul,
The one that wants let me let you go.
I often sit and think about the past
But I know it isn’t there that matters, it is in what is here that lasts.
If we can take what little we think we are or the little we have,
We can cover any wound, just like a salve.
Please come out of this funk you are in
Look around and start again.
Make the most of each day you’ve been given
Start taking charge and start believing.
Life gives us sometimes, only one chance to change.
Don’t let trouble mess you up, or help to pass the blame.
You are in my heart, my soul and mind,
Now it is time to take off those blinders because you aren’t blind.
When I ask you to talk, say okay.
I might just have something important to say.
I don’t want to take your time,
Just want you to know I will give you mine.
I will help where help is to be given
But it is truly your life, your own life you have and need to be living.
Things that were worth saying
People we intended to keep staying
Digested insults and salutations
Working one moment for a limited time
People who were not worth a single dime
Hints of yesterdays in the background
Displays of misplaced loyalties around
By -gones that went out bittersweet
Promotions given for concerted effort
Simple but complicated arrangements
No rhyme or rhythm, without a tune
Busting your rump to get ahead, soon
Paths and journeys
Beginnings and pasts
Front and last
Hope and Despair
These are the segments in our lives.
Where one most survive.
I have visited your grave, many times
Not in actuality but in my mind.
Seeing the graveside flowers, and studying them so
The people in the photos, the ones I know
Sometimes, we don’t actually have to be present
To feel such a presence.
Life went on without you in it
People adapted, things changed, from it
But something for me was magnified,
I never realized it, and how it applied
Here I was mourning the chance of never meeting you
Yet I did, it is true
I was held by you, once
I was loved by you, and heard your voice
No, it did not last for my lifetime, but it did in yours.
You once held my hand,
Heard me cry,
I have struggled with this, I don’t know just why.
You knew me, I knew you not
I have such a huge heart knot
I will wish until my dying days
To had known you, in all ways.
Until then, I will revisit your grave
The one in photos, the place where you lay.
Studying the people and flowers so
Sometimes, we do not have to be present
To feel someone’s presence.
Trudging day in till nightfall
Heavy burdens encircle me
Wanting desperately to lay it all down
Never much to relieve the weight from me
Have forgiven my own self a hundred times, or more
Just wanting to feel free
Feel free for the weaker me
For the me I could not be
But nothing breaks my burdens
The hearts needs time
To let things go
I should know.
Never easy, but necessary
Escapable pain lets our hearts renew
You can do it, I believe it to be true.
Release and let it disperse
Help your heart start another beat
Think of it,as a treat.