Are We Ever Really Sure… by MwsR
Sometimes things are too much
Too much for us to handle.
Sometimes we are like a clasp on a sandal
Easy to work but with not much
Sometimes we can fail to work
To serve our purpose.
When clasps don’t work any longer we replace it with another one.
Clasps serve one purpose ,they are to hold things together,
To keep things from separating.
Sometimes we loose the intended purpose.
Too often we just see this one thing…
When there are many more all around us.
If we were meant to only have one clasp, or better yet given one clasp to last…
What care we would had taken of it!
I did not mean to aggravate you
Honestly, I just wanted to know what you knew
Looking for any answers to the questions in my mind
Am I not living here? Are you just blind?
My prerogative it was to know the answers surrounding my adoption
But you had selfish intentions
You wanted to keep me broken,
So somehow you could be the one standing there catching my tears
You wanted me to know only selective things
Not the real story that most adoptive parents bring
You thought my questions were so bothersome
Maybe they were, to you
But to me they encircled my life and something true
I needed to be bothersome because you paid me no mind
Nothing was shared that would ease this burden of mine
I went years without knowing the truth
Years that hurt me so,
Left me to grow up different, you know
When I think back
You were the one holding the strings
The one who thought it was bothersome to answer me
Funny how now that I am older,
Those answers are still left unanswered
And I am still somewhat a mess
My bothering you did not help me a bit
I guess my questions were too much
Bothersome again, I bet.
I had you in my dreams
It was amazing and real it seemed.
My heart felt you were around
Your scent my nose found.
I sensed your presence
Longed to be near you.
When I awoke it disappeared
While the memory lingered.
For a second I had you
For a lifetime remaining you are gone.
Just once I’d like to make my dreams real
Just for a moment in this life
I’d trade a day of my own to bring back one of yours.
So I could be selfish
Have you close
Let you be real…not just a ghost.
Love, Life, and Caring
There are connections
Although subtle and yet uplifting things
Something that takes the bite out of the sting.
Warming inside the heart, they work
They come without a note or a gift
They’re felt in the heart’s path, when it needs a lift.
Cannot contain it,
For they’re not to be owned or kept
Not to be useless or did you forget?
We each have the opportunity to use these
Each day and till the end.
They are love and life and caring, my friend.
I had to learn to be a mom
Sometimes that meant wallowing in my own self pity
I had to love those who were unlovable
Had to heal things I really knew nothing about
Taking pride in the few accomplishments I had, for myself
Learned how to do balancing acts
Forgiveness and wanting you back
Tried to reach out a few times
That backfired on me, so I stopped
I had to continue dreaming when hope was scarce
It was because your love was too.
I stopped breathing naturally, and started inhaling deeply
My heart became prisoner to the things my mind knew
My spirit, well it took a nose dive or two
Nights were the hardest, and still are
My mind thinks in coordination with my heart,
The brokenness has never left
Your name still brings me pain
I think sometimes I would be better off insane
I started again
I picked up the pieces and ran
I held them together on a whisper and a prayer
The moments I was alone, and no one was there
Was the hardest and still can be
If I forget the me, in who I wished, or once believed
I want to be happy, be truly happy
Be comfortable in all my efforts and changes
I changed myself into the person I had to become
The one whose heart never ever won
Nor smiled for so long
The one with out you .
Don’t pretend to know me,
To love me
Or feel anything for me
But a mere acquaintance of mine.
You simply could not be real close
I think this is a crappy way to be
Since you never tried to know the real me
Or experience life with me
Need Or want me
Just close your ear to the mention of my name
I cannot stand the fakeness, it is insane.
Teasing my brain.