Today ~thoughts

Today, I felt pain. I felt it surround my heart and once again, I tried to stop it. Why is it that the things we love the most, put such hurt within our souls. I went and poured out my heart, and was shut down by someone’s own perceptions. It was hard to bare my feelings but I had no choice, I had to. The stress between us both has encompassed my life. It has left me feeling inadequate, bruised, and useless. Still, I tried. I laid it out and asked my poignant questions. I felt it needed to be heard. Of course, they did not agree. Like a clam, they shut their heart and closed their ears. They could not see past the past. Are they ever going to?

A part of me wanted to run…run somewhere, run fast, and run hard. But where? I have no answers, perhaps it is a fight or flight response. I wasn’t looking to fight, but it ended up that way, in some regard. Nothing, not even my tears, could calm that stubborn heart I was trying to get through to. I gave in to the pressure of trying to defend myself, against God knows what, for whatever reason, and nothing was accomplished. If anything, it made the other person meaner. As if I had asked them for a “lung”, they thought I was crazy. They refused to talk, heal, or forgive. For which I am not sure what there was to forgive. All I know is that they were determined not to discuss, deal with, or listen anymore, today.

How in the heck did my love for someone get so complicated? How is that they, the one who I built a better part of my world around, has come to be so bitter and so angry. Why? And instead of getting “points” for the good and goodwill done towards them all these years, a disagreement, conflict if you will, keeps a huge wedge filled with distrust and disdain against me. I feel like a failure. I feel like I did not express myself well enough. I feel hurt. I feel broken.

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I am sure we all have situations like this. I am sure there are circumstances we cannot control. I am sure of that. What kills me though is the fact that nothing else matters to this person, and they cannot see the uncountable good and love they have been given. Why? Perhaps I should remember the mean people in my life, just so I feel better about myself. Nah, I don’t want to waste my thoughts on those kind of people. I want to do as I always have, forgive and love. I don’t want any other characteristic to be seen but those two. I want to love and love some more. Despite the pain, heartache, and turmoil. I want it to be known that I will never give up on the things that matter in my life. I certainly will never be perfect, but I will do my darndest in trying.

Far from perfect, hurting to the depths of my soul, I will try. I may want to run, may want to fight, but let me never stop caring, feeling, and loving. I want to always keep hope. Don’t you?

MwsR

Thank you for reading 🙂

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MwsR Writings~Human Nature

In a world where anyone can be almost anything they want, why do some humans choose to be cruel?

I have fought with an answer to this question. I remember when a friend of mine asked this very thing. She was certainly not looking for an answer, merely commenting on things that were being discussed, in our psychology class. We were discussing human nature and how sometimes that human nature, can be one of two things, a nurturer or one of a harmer. Now, this is not to say that all humans have the innate purpose of either nurture or harm, but these were the two aspects we had been discussing.

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I think that there are factors in each humans life that can and do impact which one of the two natures we will choose . Family life plays a big part in how some people learn to interact and co-exist with others. If you grew up in a family that was one of sharing and helping, then more than not you will be the nurturer kind of human. If your family was never really close and kept secrets from each other, and tended to go their own way, excluding others in the family, then you would probably not be a nurturer.

Another factor could be our experiences with love, loss, or being hurt. If when faced with any of these, we dealt with things in a manner conducing things like healing and moving past, we might tend to know more about nurturing, and would reflect that in our human nature. If when any of these have left us impaired, scared, or unable to move past things, we might tend to fall somewhere in the harmer human nature.

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A lot of things can impact a person’s ability to function or conduct their selves in a productive and useful way. For instance, if your mother or father never disciplined you, you may have never learned from any consequences of your actions. If you had been taught to take what you want, for example, you would inevitably still do that as an adult, as a human. That would mean you were of a harmer nature. After all, you would not be able to take everything you want without taking some from another, at some point.

As I suggested, lots of factors impact a human’s reactions, actions, and thoughts. Some that they may not be aware of. To answer that question would be to first examine another person’s life. Then you would need to find out their reason’s behind their actions, and finally, you would need to know them or talk with them more to know for sure.

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Instead of trying to answer that question, maybe we should try to examine our own lives, first. Do we contribute to another human’s ability to harm another? Do we inadvertently turn a blind eye to things in this world that need to change? Our we doing the best we can to counteract the harmful ways people get treated?

Perhaps, we should be the difference we wish to see in others. Maybe just maybe our world can do better, starting one human at a time.

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I shall see you on this side of the rainbow~!

Take care and love one another!

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MwsR

Thank you for reading 🙂

Planting…thoughts

Daisy…oh,this is my favorite flower!

I just love working the earth with my own two hands. This time of the year things are being planted, they are growing and then producing. I have been busy this year. My husband made me a garden shed with raised beds. This is the first time I’ve had raised beds.

I just love this. My husband but the wood himself. He has a portable sawmill.

There are tomatoes, squash, zucchini, cabbage, cosmos, and green peppers in there. I hope it will be a good harvest. I’ll let you know. I also have a lemon tree in there, for which I’m going to have to put in a more permanent pot, very soon. This is my first time with a lemon tree and it is dwarf size…or patio size. I hope it grows well.

I also have more flowers this year. I am starting most by seed but have planted some as well. I love feeding the butterflies, bees, and birds. I have corn planted also. I just love corn on the cob. Don’t you?

I have strawberries in a huge pot. I put one pepper plant in a pot. Some tomatoes are hanging and pot, along with onions, chives, lavender, cilantro, dill, etc. I have oregano in the ground it survives year after year. Banana trees, I never have to replant. I wish they produced bananas but they haven’t. They will multiply.

Pineapple plant.
Banana Trees
Avocado Plants, I’ve grown from seeds.

So there are a few pictures I wanted to share.

I am sitting outside with a slight breeze blowing, listening to my wind chimes, and the sounds of the birds. It is a wonderful, relaxing thing to do.

I hope to see the fruits of my labor and hope my family will enjoy all the good I’ve worked hard to grow.

Hope everyone is great and I will see you on this side of the rainbow…🌈

❤️ MwsR

Thank you for reading 🙂

THOUGHTS…From the Black Sheep

Fondly remembering my childhood days, from when I would wander around outside playing, often following a path leading to my backyard creek, I almost get lost in the excitement of it all. I often forget that everything back then was not always great…

Why is it we often deceive ourselves? From my personal experience, I often do it, to keep my spirit from falling down around me. Sometimes, if we face our worst moments, it can be discouraging and often times scarring to our souls. If we don’t have to come to terms with a bad situation, or a bad experience, we can sweep it aside until we are able to deal with it. Is this wrong? Shouldn’t we all try and face our problems, head on and not run from them? Others would say yes, while many of us, say it varies, it changes with each individual situation. Not everything is the same for each of us. We are, after all, individuals from different walks, different cultures, and different places. So with that being said, here is from my perspective.

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Childhood, the sights, the new experiences, the excitement and the not so good times. I grew up in a family of five. Mother, Father, Daughter, Me, and a Brother, and yes, I was a middle child. Yay, me! Not. Being a middle child was anything but pleasant. It seemed I was never old enough to do the big stuff, but yet not young enough to get away with anything. I felt I was always held accountable for what my little brother did. He seemed to be a mischievous one, whose experiments always landed us in trouble, and who got off from punishment, simply by being the youngest. I was always told, “I should of known better.”

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My sister was older than me, by eight years. She was busy doing her “older things” most of the time, and I hardly saw her. Between her schooling and her jobs, she kept pretty busy and scarcely at our home. I missed her when she wasn’t around. She was fun to follow and fun to watch. She got to do cool things and she even drove herself to wherever she needed or wanted to go. That was a pretty big deal for me. I dreamt of the day I would follow in her footsteps. But for now, I was the middle one, the one who got hand me down clothes and the one who was too young to follow my sister to events, and yet old enough to watch over my little brother, thus making me responsible for us staying out of trouble. Which I might add, was very unfair. My brother had a mind of his own. Although sometimes it was a fun time, it often finished in my grounding or spanking. Sometimes I swear that was his ploy, to get me into trouble.

This one particular time I remember is when we decided to fish with a rod in the living room. We used an actual fishing rod, my mom had a chandelier hanging down in the living room, and this time, it was tied up in fishing line. I do not know what my brother was thinking. although we both were guilty, we had stood on our living room table and before we both contemplated what would happen next, we had tied a fishing line around our mom’s chandelier. Uh ho! We both were in big trouble. I wish you could imagine what it looked like. A three-tier chandelier, with crystal goblets and crystal tear-shaped jewels, with a clear fishing line twisted in and out through it. It was going to be a long ditch effort to fix this, and guess who would have to? Me! Needless to say, I worked my butt off trying to untangle that fishing rod. Sad to say, my mom walked in about the time I was almost done and she was not happy. I got in trouble and my brother was scolded, I had a belt taken to my butt and an ear full of do’s and don’ts.

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Thinking back on it all, I sometimes laugh at the things that often time got me in trouble. Just like this story of the fishing rod. When I remember it, I remember the anger I had at being the only one who received a spanking and yet, I smile because it was a crazy thing for two kids to do while their parents were out. Funny how a situation can be both crazy funny, and yet so unfairly dealt with at the same time. That was not the only time being the middle child made me the scapegoat for my little brother. I guess that is also what happens when you were the “black sheep” of the family.

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Thank you for reading 🙂

Hey Guys!

Well, how are you all? Anyone out there that is reading this, contracted the deadly Corona Virus? Anyone out there know of another person with it? I do. A member of my church and a dear friend has contracted this Corona Virus. This is so devastating to hear, since he has been trying rehabilitate from a knee surgery that went wrong, and other complications. If you are a praying person, would you please help me pray for him? I really want him to pull through this. As well as for the others who have it currently and are bound to get it, I pray that they too will make it.

There has been so many things changing in our world, especially things that are not in our control. This can make us stand closer to each other, although sometimes many will not pull closer to another, for whatever reason that would be. I have seen communities around me pull together and work to make things safer for the medical personnel, the store clerk, and the helpless. It warms a person’s heart.

Our world needs us to pull together. There are so many of us suffering from this isolation, of being made to stay home. There are those who are having to watch helplessly while others are taking their last breath. These are people they love and want to support but because of this isolation when having Coronavirus, they cannot.

I really think for some this has been an eye opener. For others this has been one of the hardest things they have had to endure, thus far. I wish to see the day when this all is but a memory. I want people to stop having to suffer. I want us all to carry on like these are the best years left of our lives, each and everyone of us. I want us to love harder, and without resentments, live prouder, knowing we are doing the best we can, and to emotional let our love reach whomever may need it.

I hope you all know how important you are. How very unique and how very special you are. You deserve an overabundance of caring, love, and an undying faith.

I hope if you need help, you will get it and I wish you all the best of love, live, and health.

Just a note to tell you what’s on my heart.

Peace and Health,

MwsR

Thank you for reading 🙂

A Life Like That, by MwsR

There was a time when things were not more important than loving a person.

Love and life of this old world could be found with much anticipation and vigor.

Things like that were not only shown in the movies but in real life.

The seasons of a person’s life always came at the time they were supposed to and in the manner, they should

Money earned was spent on an enjoyable vacation filled with memories of your family or friends.

Money saved was hope in the future of comfortability and not a necessity.

People went and shook the hand of their neighbors and they called them by their first names.

There was no closed doors because anyone was welcome to stop by.

People were special, even if they were just a passer more by.

Things were easier to see and people did not walk around in a socialized made haze.

Because of the way they were reared they knew how to endear, as well as persevere.

The biggest battle or two, for the school-age group, was which clique to belong to or which club to be in.

I wish our world had those things gone before us.

Love like that and respect of one’s neighbor was engrained in them all.

Society was in general friendlier than the one we know today.

No one really stepped over others, just to get there own way.

I would very much liked it back, in the day.

A life like that came with its share of excitement, respect, loyalty, and love.

Too bad today, much of what we see is when people shove.

When people are mean, destructive, and rude.

Selfish is the new thinking, and it is clouded with a sky of resentment.

Sure not all is bad, as is the case, mostly, anyway.

Just thinking about a life like that!

Thank you for reading 🙂

Thoughts

Thanksgiving Wish by MwsR

My Thanksgiving wish has nothing to do with all the yummy food.
Except that those who are hungry, that they will have some.
My Thanksgiving wish has to do with all that we have around us, either in our hearts or in our presence.
Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to make memories with our loved ones and friends. It can also be terrible for those that are financially hurting or those families that bicker and fight.
It can be hard trying to move on and look past mistakes and grievances but we all should try.
No family is perfect, no matter how many lovely pictures and things they try to display or post about. No one family has it all together.
There will times that you dislike each other or maybe that you just don’t connect on the same basis. That is okay.
I know with my family we have had our moments.
The hardest thing to remember is, we are only humans. God did not make us divine or spotless, or even flawless. He made us each with our own quirks. He inspired us though to be better than we can and to keep reaching to help others and understand others and to love each other.
Some people are missing from around our tables this year. Some may never have the chance to sit at our tables. Whatever it is know that you too are not alone.
As for my house, we miss those we can not see again, or talk to during this season especially. I miss that I will never get to spend a Thanksgiving with my birth mom, except once.
I miss my father-in-law and the company he frequented us with.
There is my half-sister who is in jail, again, that won’t have a good Thanksgiving. I miss times in my life when I felt connected to each one I love.
My Thanksgiving wish is that all of us look around and truly, TRULY, be happy for all we have. That maybe we can, in turn, help someone else who might need help and comforting.
We all know someone!
Holidays can be brutal, they can also be a time to reflect and be THANKFUL.
I choose to be THANKFUL and pray for those who need courage or resources or whatever it may be to make it through another Holiday Season.
If you have managed to sit through this post I am thankful for that too.
Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

Thank you for reading 🙂