In blue I can see…

In Blue I Can See

Forbearance has always been a part of my life
Enough that I can wear it like a second skin.
There is so much that I don’t share
Simply because there is no one who really cares.
Oh, they say they do
But when they find something they don’t like or want
They waltz back out of my life the way they came in.
There is a part of me that wants acceptance
That same part though, never ventures to.
It feels like I stab my own self
Over and over to make myself hurt.
I know that sounds absurd.
But truthfully, I can say it is true.
Nothing hurts more than wanting to be something you are not.
No magic pill to take and make it happen
No individual who can fix you.
In blue I can see, I can feel.
I know that color and feeling oh so well.
How can something that seems so beautiful to some
Make me want to cry?
When the things I cannot bear anymore
Brings me to my knees
That is when I truly feel.
If I were happy I would not see,
I could not fix what is broken in me.
But seeing in blue
I can focus on what I should do
What I should be
In blue I can see, the real me.

Read more poems in my new book, “Heart Songs”, MwsR