Today is St. Patrick’s Day. I love the Irish celebrated person Day. St. Patrick was a man who did selfish acts. He believed in something higher than we ourselves. Although we celebrate him and what he done as a National Holiday, let us not forget the countless numbers of people who are just as important. People that selfishly contribute to our world and to our population. Those who tirelessly give of their time and their selves. I believe we all can contribute something of value. Even if it the slightest of things, they can impact in bigger ways. Don’t ever count yourself as useless.
ADOPTION AND MY BIRTH MOTHER
Onto another reason why today is special for me. My birth mom was born this day, many years ago. She has since passed and this day has forever been memorialized after her.
I grew up not knowing her, nor spending any time with her. I was not allowed to know of her nor to see her, because my adoptive parents thought that she was not a good role model, or honestly, they felt intimidated by her. I often thought of her growing up. I wondered if the rumors were true. Rumors being that I was abandoned by her. All sorts of things filled my mind back in my childhood. I went from being confident to doubting the purpose of my existence. I questioned people’s motives like I took breaths. I had no reason to ever believe another’s word if my own birth mother had given me up. I felt useless and hurt by the very people I should have been able to count on. Instead, I was filled with fear of trusting and a lack to fill the endless void I had inside me.
I could say that I went on to forget all that as I matured and grew into an adult, but Id be lying. Here I was ot knowing the mere beginnings or any family traits or what have you, pertaining to me. I struggled. I sought out bad relationships, I let people mistreat me, I thought I deserved none the less. I felt like I was on a treadmill and the wheels were to keep turning whether I had the energy to do anything or not. I was shamelessly stuck in the middle pf my own life with no end in sight. I could not breath, could not trust, could not live, and most certainly ever be truly happy. To say this all went away in adulthood is not a truth I let my self think of. I was and still am in many ways, scared to let people love me, scared to wholeheartedly trust someone, nd still trying to piece my birth and what followed into a lifelong message.
As adulthood came, I sought out my birth mother and my siblings from that same mother. I searched and instead of being able to ask my adoptive mother, I had to look to any place I could to find the most remote answers. A boyfriend I had at the time helped. He and I were in a five-year relationship and he knew how important it was for me to find my birth mother and those siblings. He was actually the one who contacted this person and that person and led me to the door of both my birth grandparents and mother and those siblings. I cannot say that our relationship lasted much past the point of my finding my birth family, but I will forever be grateful for his initiative. Because of that kind of determination, I finally received some answers to my lifelong questions,
I say this all because someone somewhere is searching for their birth family. They too have felt left aside, unwanted, or unloved. Don’t give up! Keep searching for answers. It is never too late. As long as you have breath in your body. You may not get the answers you want. You may hear things you never wanted to but at least you will have some sort of answer. Not everyone you meet will help you, perhaps they may not want you but believe in yourself enough to try. Believe in yourself enough to keep going.
Today is your day, It is your life. Be strong, be brave, be courageous.
Life is for the “Living”.
I shall see you on this side of the rainbow~!