Tag: Story

Adopted, yes me!/ Personal story share

I already post so much daily but I had something I needed to share.

 

I am adopted. Many things around that helped me to become who I am today. I know there ae many of you out there who have contemplated adopting and I would not want to discourage that by any means. I just want to talk about my story. I know there are many out there like me, who have a story different from the ones you hear. The television, books, and news make adoption out to be the best thing sometimes, and while that is the case for many, it is not for others.

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I am not a “bash adoption person”, on the contrary…

If you can love someone completely, without bias or harm, then do it! Lots of children, and others need to be adopted. They need love, nurturing, caring and a stable home environment.  If though you are seeking adoption for any other self satisfying urges, desires or fulfillment, or to be a “savior” to someone then you might want to think about it over again. No one wants someone to adopt them out of pity or because you feel like being a good Samaritan. They want actual caring, selfless people. Humans are and must not be an “agenda” for anyone seeking monetary praise. You are not here to necessarily “save” another individual. You might find you are the one who they save. Just saying.

I was adopted as an infant. I did not have my world turned upside down by being ripped out of the arms of my biological parents. I did not have a life where I was taken from the only family I had and given away to some orphanage. I was not found on a door step.

I was adopted by a family member. I was adopted in a court of law. I was too young to decide where I wanted to go and frankly I did not have a difficult time being placed in my relatives home. I was a baby! Some other people may not have had the same experiences as I but that is okay.

My biological father died before my adoption. He was fatally shot. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. My biological mother was alone for the first time with two kids. She did not fair well with all that, let’s just say. She was not able to care for me and my sister. She had to leave me with my grandfather, and then I was adopted by my Aunt.

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I never really understood the power of that dark period for my biological mother back then. I figured liked most she was taking the easy route. I figured she was being a sorry mother. I never fully understood how she must have felt back then. Now, I can somewhat see what she must of felt. Years I hated her, yet hate seems like a too strong of word for how I felt about her. I never saw her till I became an adult, and then it was like a lightbulb came on and I felt something I never knew I could, about her. She made me sad, she made me feel pity for her. I realized the first time I saw her, that she was actually a HUMAN…yeah, seems she was not one until I actually saw her.

I so hoped that first time, I would get all my answers answered, but I did not. wanted to hug her and hear about how much she missed me, but I did not hear that. I also thought we would get together and go to her house and she would show me her life and what all she did, but that never ever happened. I was standing before my own biological mother and felt more of a stranger than I did her own flesh and blood. I felt so out-of-place and awkward. Here, I had waited 23 years to see her, to talk to her, to hug her, to know her… They say parting is such sweet sorrow, but that day felt like terrible sorrow. I was happy to finally see her, and I was delighted to hear her voice, smell her perfume, and touch her skin. Sadly, I was wanting this instant connection, this simultaneous combustion. It was not there.

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I was more at home in a hotel lobby than I felt with her. That was okay because I was determined for us to change all that. 

Some times things do not go as we plan…sometimes they never will. We should expect the least from someone and we will never be disappointed.

I was finally face to face with this ICONIC figure in my life. Even though she was not an active participant in my life, that did not matter, she was. I found myself looking her up and down and studying her talk, studying her walk, and mannerisms. I was soaking all that up like a “sponge in water”.

To be continued…

20160913_172253MwsR ❤

 

 

Blue…(Church Camp) story continues

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Photo by rasik on Pexels.com

“Today was going to be a good day”, she said to herself.

She always looked forward to summer, because in the summertime she actually got to go to her church ‘s camp for a whole week. Her church was an Evangelical Methodist and she was growing up in that little small town church. Everyone there knew everyone else and it was not formal but a casual place and where a kid had all kinds of things going for them. They had youth rallies and contests and competition between the other churches in that religious group. Churches span from her small town to another state or two. Her church camp was in Danville, Virginia. The name of the place where this camp was called “Indian Cave Camp”. There were caves there, to explore. There was also a fishing pond, a swimming pool, a place to play table hockey and pool and do crafts. They allowed the kids that attended this camp to write their families during this week away from home,and they would mail those letters for the kids. There was a canteen with which each kid needed snack or spending money for. It was a place where kids could come learn about God and enjoy life , just for a small while. Well, that was the intended purpose, at least.

Blue went here to enjoy camp life and make new friends, revisit her old pals and to escape the pressures of her home life.  She really wanted a place to feel safe and for her, this camp was a limited safe place. She used the time away from her family to seek out what Jesus was telling her to do in her life and heart. She really looked to him for advice during those years when her life was hectic and sometimes scary and a whole lot crazy.

No one at this camp knew her home life and she liked that. She did not feel that she needed to share that with anyone, and she really just wanted to be normal. After years of going to this camp, she felt a sense of belonging and she loved it there. She loved it there not because of the many things to do or the many ways of fun the counselors could come up with, she truly enjoy being safe and cared for in that healthy way. At home Blue did not get that. She felt odd in her own place, she felt weird, like she never was normal.

Here was Blue on the bus, her things packed and her money was in her pocket. Oh! this was the day she had waited for, finally leaving for camp.

First thing Blue did when she got to camp was find her cabin she was assigned and then pick out her bunk and her bed. She never liked being on the bottom bunk because she worried about spiders and bugs finding her. Also, if you were the bottom bunk your bed always got dirty from the top bunk person whenever they wanted on their bed. It was just the simple things that added to the experience of camp for her. The only thing she dreaded about camp was getting into the shower house and having to take a shower around everyone, even those people from another church, that she did not even know. She was very much shy and would not undress in front of anyone and always stayed private about stuff like that. Some thought she was strange being like that , but she did have modesty and had no desire to be flamboyant or noticed.

Her favorite thing about camp was always going to the game hall and playing games and making crafts. She was not very good with crafts, but it was still fun for her, she loved having stuff to take back home with her. She also loved doing the Bible drills that the camp leaders had. They would call out a verse in the Bible and she would have a limited amount of time to find it, and there would be others trying to beat her in finding the verses. The winner would go on to compete against the winners past and would get a gift for winning. Sometimes, it would be a free swim in the pool, which was always fun because that was usually done after dark. Cool, right? Who doesn’t love swimming in the dark?

She also loved the night time with its bonfires. They would sing songs around the fire and talk about things going on in the camp and talk about Jesus, God, etc. Sometimes they would throw open a bag of marshmallows and roast them. Yum, that was the best. She had always loved watching fires since she could first remember. She was scared of them but at the same time she loved their power. She would often watch the fireplace with wood burning in it, back home.

Exploring the camp’s caves was really cool and she loved doing that. She would take a group with her sometimes and lead them through the cave, all the while telling the various versions of tall tales that circulated around them. Sometimes she even spooked her own self. It was neat though and despite the fact that they had crickets and bats in them, she enjoyed it immensely.

There would be a banquet on the last night of camp. This was when a king and queen of the camp would be appointed. All the campers voted on who it should be, She was queen one time herself. She loved going to this special last night because you got to dress up and go with your boyfriend or a person of your choice. It was almost like a prom but in a more toned down manner. She loved all the decorations and the music and the hoopla of it all.

She was noticed and acknowledged by name from almost everyone at camp. This made her feel special. You could see on the new kids faces the envy  they had of her being well-known. She always went out her way to be nice, polite, friendly, and helpful. This made the counselors notice her. She was not very talkative but that was okay. Sometimes at night, when the lights were turned out in her cabin, for the night, she would say a pray for those kids that she knew had come from a hard home life and those she knew that were hurting. She knew how hard it was for some of them, most of them came to the camp without concession stand money, and some had hardly enough clothes to wear something clean daily. She would share her things and her food and sometime her money for those less fortunate. In her heart, she felt like it was what God wanted her to do.

One night during camp, the preacher was standing near the pool and asked if there was anyone who needed to be baptized. She listened carefully to the way in going about this. She had felt in her heart a little tug, as to be baptized but she felt she was not worthy to be. She felt inside there must have been something wrong with her, since she had such a troubled life. She often took the responsibility for the way she was treated, to mean that she did not deserve anything better than what she was given. It was hard, especially in trying to decide what it was that God was telling her. She still listened though. On this one particular night she witnessed her friends and others jumping into that pool, in front of everyone and even in their own clothes, and asking to be baptized. What was it that they had that she didn’t? She did not know but that wouldn’t stop her from trying to find out. She did not go forward that night, but that night weighed heavily on her heart.

The time had come to end this week at camp and she sadly had to say goodbye to her new friends, her old friends, and her counselors. She always hated leaving, she hated the fact that she had to go back home. She hated that she would have to go back to being Blue, in a house full of disdain and back to living with secrets that no one knew, or if they did, they did not say so.

She thought of this way…

Life was not like fairy tales, it did not always have a happy ending. It wasn’t about a person coming in to save her, and take her away from it all. It was about the fact that she would live day-to-day, moment by moment until she just couldn’t no more. Her faith in God, kept her from running away and it kept her believing  that there still was hope. As far as living in her home with her parents and her siblings, well, less just say she needed a miracle to endure it and miracles only come true if you believe in them.

To be continued…

MwsR ❤