Tag: Story

Blue~ How It Was

Growing up had its share of disappointments, challenges, problems, and pain. Blue was not regretting her life, for it had made her the person she became. She knew for in the trials, there were lessons, and sometimes things that allowed her to grow and helped her to arm herself. Her emotions back then were anything but peaceful. She had chaotic thoughts and stressful days. Seldom did she get to just “be”. When your back is against the wall, you learn how to just survive through moments, circumstances, and sometimes days that turn into years.

Grown-ups seldom see the impact that their actions and words have on their children or loved ones. That does not erase their impact. Here Blue had two parents, one she loved very much but could never please, and the other who she wanted so bad to love, but who was a wretched individual. It seems like she would never be truly whole with the love that those around her gave. Like all things living figure out, you still have to survive. You might not want to, you may not see how, but you never quit. The fight was always in her but the fight was not her. It had come to her and now she could only participate.

When you want so bad to live, to love, to hold on you will find that deeper strength. Sometimes it pans out and sometimes it stops. For Blue, life was only about how she could reinvent her life. It was not about just surviving or getting through something, she wanted to love and live. She also wanted her life to matter, before she lay a path she could fall onto or one she could take the lead.

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She knew her story should be told. She knew in her pain she could be related to and help others in the same predicament to feel not so alone. She knew in her strength others would find theirs. Her story had to be told. Those that were once childhood monsters needed not to become the stars in her story. When people do terrible and hurtful things, that impact others they should be brought out from their shadows. Their names are not as important as those that survive. They should never get their power back. Blue knew this now, maybe it so long ago, but now.

We might be given a bad life, because of the choices of those around us. We don’t ever have to settle. We can rise and walk out of whoever’s a life we choose. Some have to it easier, yes, but “where there is a will there is a way.” Never stop looking at how to improve your life! Never settle for disappointments and hurt. Always keep hope, always reinvent. There can be inner peace, an inner healing. Blue knew that. It took most of her life to figure it out, however.

Good News—-Cat leaps from window of burning building in Chicago — and sticks the landing | Fox News

A cat landed safely and survived after jumping out of an upper-story window of a burning building in Chicago Thursday, video shows.
— Read on www.foxnews.com/us/cat-walks-away-after-jumping-from-fifth-story-window-of-burning-building-in-chicago

Blue Needed You

Well, it had been some time since Blue had allowed herself to think about the family conflicts that she went through, growing up. She sometimes felt a tug in her heart, and then it seemed things would just start to flood her mind and come straight from her heart. Sometimes remembering was too painful, and yet other times it cleaned out her broken heart. When you are young it seems that the whole world has opportunity. You often allow yourself to dream and hope, because you believe in the good of people.

Blue knew that she had to keep hope in her heart. She knew that life without that would be meaningless and cruel. This day she felt so lonely. She hoped that those she trusted in enough to tell her story to, would believe her. She needed to know that her heart, her words mattered. Feeling this way often led to self pity. She knew she was not the only one in the world whose family had deserted them. She also knew that that despite it all, it could had been so very much worse. She had survived. She lived to tell her experience and she knew others would not survive or go on to lead a “normal” life.

Life was still precious to her. Here she was a young adult. She had some good memories, like walking in the garden with her grandmother and learning things from her. Things like that brought her back to the land of the living. She was battered and torn but she still was living. Each day brought a new set of circumstances, a new perspective, and a way to be “happy”. So much of her childhood was shadowed by her need to fit in, to belong, to be loved, to be treated right. Often she allowed herself to think of a day when her family would be apologetic and loving towards her. It was just thoughts in reality, and never has it come to be.

A person can spend their whole life wondering. They can rely on “what if’s” and” never really be “free.” Blue was no exception. She knew that along her way, she had once believed with her whole heart. She once allowed herself to trust completely in someone’s word. That was once, once upon a time. Now she was half trusting, half hearted believing, and seeking no more “what if’s”. Life just takes that away from you sometimes. It just leaves you half of what you used to be. It also gives you half dreams, half a person’s heart, and half of the happiness you deserve. You learn to half love, to share only half of yourself for fear of losing the half that you have of what is left inside.

Why would a person hurt someone that they were sent to protect and love? What inside a person causes them to act towards another in such a despicable way? Blue guessed she would never understand the reasons why her “father” treated her like an object of gratification. She would never understand how her tears were not enough to stop him in his tracts. Perhaps she was just vulnerable enough to be his prey. Maybe her heart made her weak. Why would her mother turn on her instead of help her? She did not understand what a mother’s love could do, until she , herself, became one. As a mother, she would never allow a man to hurt her children. It would take heaven or hell to stop her from hurting someone like that. Was her mother not a strong mother? Was Blue not enough to love and protect?

In a perfect world, Blue would never have to doubt her mother’s love and devotion to her. In a perfect world her “father” would only love her like a daughter, and her brother and sister would of been by her side. But this is not a perfect world, is it? Blue needed her mother. She needed her family. She needed a love that would last through her life. One that nothing else could replace. For now she will be the better example of what she needed for her own self and for her own family.

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MwsR Writings

Story…. MwsR
A young freckled-faced girl who was growing older every day and wanted to believe that people never went away.
She believed in dreams and wishes; she held on to hopes and kisses.
Till one day it all changed. Her life was re-arranged.
She found out that life can be unkind that people will hurt others because they can’t love themselves, or they’re blind.
So she changed who she chose to be..started to set her guilt-free.
She taught herself that life’s about forgiving. If it ain’t it’s too hard for a living.
Others could not hurt her to her core…anymore.
She loved and stuck to those she adored.
Her life became hers again. She didn’t hold on to a bargain of her heart.
Her love was the key that set her free.
Now and forever she’ll be happy.

Alzheimer’s…My Aunt

Camille….by MwsR(Alzheimer’s)

I watched helplessly as a vibrant smart intelligent woman turned into a whole different person. This was over 20 years ago.
I had watched this lady my whole life read her Bible every day, do crossword puzzles ridiculously fast, and she had a great personality.
She cooked some of the best breakfast. I loved how she put saltines in her coffee and claimed it took the bitter taste away. She had blondish red hair with curls that she imposed every night from rolling her hair in those foam curlers. She was tall and slender. She wore glasses that she hung on her neck with a chain. She was a modest dresser and loved wearing her socks over her pants while working in the garden. She said that would keep bugs from going up to her pants. Haha.
Seemed like in a blink of an eye that all that changed. Her ALZHEIMERS was a fast progressive kind. I watched her go from praising God to cussing like a sailor. I watched her ability to read, cook, garden, and such like things diminish away.
She went from being independent to being dependent.
Her Bible laid now, next to a portable potty chair. Her crossword puzzle books would now be torn and thrown around the room from one of her latest fits.
She was no longer kind and acted like a child. Never satisfied and turning on those who loved her most.
I remember her this way…and many other ways too.
It got worse the longer she went through this.
I miss my Great Aunt CAMILLE. I cared for her when no one else could anymore. She impacted my life then more than I knew at the time. She kept ALZHEIMERS for many years until one day her soul was at peace. I believe God took her to be with him. I was pregnant with my first child when I said my last goodbyes to her.
Someone mentioned God takes a person when replaced by another soul. I am not sure of this but it reminded me of Aunt CAMILLE. My firstborn came into the world a month after CAMILLE died. So who knows ….

Blue and School

Today was the day Blue and her mom and her brother were going back to school shopping. Each year, their mom would take them to Belks, Kmart, and anywhere she could to get them both a week worth of clothes and shoes for school. Blue’s mom definitely liked Belks most of all. She seemed to find Blue dresses for her Christian school and nice dress shoes too. Blue’s brother would get shoes mostly and jeans. He went to the Christian school as she did and the boys were allowed to wear jeans. Girls however had to wear skirts or dresses.

woman in blue dress leaning on wooden fence
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Blue thought it was terribly unfair but the school maintained that girls were to look like “little ladies” and they said God did not approve of them being dressed like a guy. Blue thought it all was non-sense. Blue’s mom did not mind the dress code one bit. Blue’s brother did not have to change his way of dressing and the only restriction was no worded t-shirts that supported any rock or pop or cigarette brands. This school was strict on enforcing this dress code, so much so they kept changes of clothes in case a student came to school dressed inappropriately.

Among the clothes that Blue got she was also allowed to get notebooks, paper, and other school supplies. Each year the list changed with whatever teacher she had or because of the different grade. She liked being able to get school supplies, it was neat and she could be as individual as she wanted. Blue’s mom was broke by the time she acquired all her school things. Blue lived in a middle class home and money was rarely an issue but when the sschool season came around, money was tighter than normal.

crop man getting dollars from wallet
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Blue never went without things for her school. Her mom made sure of it. Blue and her brother had tuition dues to attend this school also. This school was private and there was fundraisers throughout the school year to help with the school’s expenses. Most of the parents played a big part in the fundraisers. Back then the parents usually work alongside others and worked long hours in a factory type setting. You could easily rack up a good amount of support with a fundraiser. Since Blue went to a private school, they ran different sales than the other public school systems and this ensured that Blue and her parents would be sure to sell stuff.

Each summer seemed to be shorter and shorter for Blue. She never felt like there was enough time to just frolic or enjoy summer vacation. Blue did like returning to school, however, just to see her friends and perhaps learn something new. Although Blue was not a straight-A student, she did her best mostly. Let’s just say she was good at getting by.

adult blur books close up
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School time…

New friends, new adventures, and perhaps something new to learn.

blue and purple color pencils
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    Blue~ Has A Friend, Too

    Image result for Blue friends

    Blue was rather quiet today. She sat mostly outside and just contemplated things. Today was warm and not too humid with a slight breeze blowing. In her thoughts, she was reminiscing on friends she had and those that were no longer her friends. The one girl in particular that was dominating her thoughts, was her friend Laura. Laura was rather tall for a girl of their age. She was quirky, to say the least. Her ways and demeanor earned her many a nickname from her classmates at their school. Blue liked all that about Laura, she often thought it made Laura special. Laura took it all in stride and really did not show that all the nicknames and teasing from her classmates, bothered her. With her pretty brown eyes, she would say so much, you only had to know her to know what she was saying. Blue knew her that way. They had long been friends, and there was very little each other did not know. So today, Laura was on Blue’s mind.

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    Blue was bored today and let her thoughts carry her off into a journey of memories and things. Laura was top on the thinking block. See, days ago Laura was teased so bad, her parents were called to come to pick her up from school. She had been on the playground at school and had taken a fall. Blue knew exactly what happened, she saw it all. There were several boys who were just bullies. They liked to call Laura names, a lot. They had gone a little too far this day and pushed Laura down. She fell against a sidewalk and skinned her knee bad enough she had to go to the emergency room to get stitches. The boys all were called to the principal’s office and they had detention issued as well as having to apologize and write letters to Laura and her parents. Laura’s parents were sad that Laura was picked on so much, and they were rather outspoken about it, to the principal. It was not the first time they had fussed about their daughter getting picked on.

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    Seems that nothing really changed for Laura when she returned the next day to school. Blue felt so bad for her friend and wanted to send a warning to those boys who were responsible. So at recess Blue had confronted those boys, who were not allowed to be within a foot of Laura, during recess, and she lit into them. She told them it was wrong to mistreat someone just because they were different. She told them that no matter how weird or different a person is to them, that they should just let them be. Laura saw this all from a distance and a faint smile was across her face as she watched. Blue was angry and with good reason, there was no sense in all this way of behaving. The boys all just stood there and listened to all Blue was telling them. it was as if they were actually re-thinking their actions. Blue spent the rest of recess comforting her friend and told her that she would always defend her and be there for her. Laura hugged Blue and the two felt a little bit stronger. They knew together they would be a force to be reckoned with. After all Blue had the strong will and Laura had all the things necessary to make a person laugh. What more could a person ask for?

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    Blue was looking at how her friend must have felt being picked on and then getting pushed and hurt. She determined that she would never be that kind of person, the one that hurt another because of their differences. So for the rest of that school year, Blue made it her mission to friend the weird, the different, and the lonely kids in her grade. She sat with them at lunch and played with them at recess. She lent them books, paper, pencils, and whatever she could when they did not have anything. She and her friend Laura were inseparable and they stayed friends up until her friend’s family moved away. She often thought of that one friend, Laura that changed her perspective on how others feel and get treated. Even in Blue’s adult life that one friend always crosses her mind. She reflects on those wonderful childhood days when she and Laura were friends.

    Blue finished up on her thoughts and ran into her house to look at pictures of her and Laura. “This day wasn’t so bad for her,” she thought. When you don’t feel alone when you have a purpose, a friendship like that, what more could you ask for?

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    Poem Story

    Story…. MwsR
    A young freckled-faced girl who was growing older every day and wanted to believe that people never went away.
    She believed in dreams and wishes; she held on to hopes and kisses.
    Till one day it all changed. Her life was re-arranged.
    She found out that life can be unkind that people will hurt others because they can’t love themselves, or they’re blind.
    So she changed who she chose to be..started to set her guilt-free.
    She taught herself that life’s about forgiving. If it ain’t it’s too hard for a living.
    Others could not hurt her to her core…anymore.
    She loved and stuck to those she adored.
    Her life became hers again. She didn’t hold on to a bargain of her heart.
    Her love was the key that set her free.
    Now and forever she’ll be happy.