Growing up had its share of disappointments, challenges, problems, and pain. Blue was not regretting her life, for it had made her the person she became. She knew for in the trials, there were lessons, and sometimes things that allowed her to grow and helped her to arm herself. Her emotions back then were anything but peaceful. She had chaotic thoughts and stressful days. Seldom did she get to just “be”. When your back is against the wall, you learn how to just survive through moments, circumstances, and sometimes days that turn into years.
Grown-ups seldom see the impact that their actions and words have on their children or loved ones. That does not erase their impact. Here Blue had two parents, one she loved very much but could never please, and the other who she wanted so bad to love, but who was a wretched individual. It seems like she would never be truly whole with the love that those around her gave. Like all things living figure out, you still have to survive. You might not want to, you may not see how, but you never quit. The fight was always in her but the fight was not her. It had come to her and now she could only participate.
When you want so bad to live, to love, to hold on you will find that deeper strength. Sometimes it pans out and sometimes it stops. For Blue, life was only about how she could reinvent her life. It was not about just surviving or getting through something, she wanted to love and live. She also wanted her life to matter, before she lay a path she could fall onto or one she could take the lead.
She knew her story should be told. She knew in her pain she could be related to and help others in the same predicament to feel not so alone. She knew in her strength others would find theirs. Her story had to be told. Those that were once childhood monsters needed not to become the stars in her story. When people do terrible and hurtful things, that impact others they should be brought out from their shadows. Their names are not as important as those that survive. They should never get their power back. Blue knew this now, maybe it so long ago, but now.
We might be given a bad life, because of the choices of those around us. We don’t ever have to settle. We can rise and walk out of whoever’s a life we choose. Some have to it easier, yes, but “where there is a will there is a way.” Never stop looking at how to improve your life! Never settle for disappointments and hurt. Always keep hope, always reinvent. There can be inner peace, an inner healing. Blue knew that. It took most of her life to figure it out, however.