Category: Blue

Blue and School

Today was the day Blue and her mom and her brother were going back to school shopping. Each year, their mom would take them to Belks, Kmart, and anywhere she could to get them both a week worth of clothes and shoes for school. Blue’s mom definitely liked Belks most of all. She seemed to find Blue dresses for her Christian school and nice dress shoes too. Blue’s brother would get shoes mostly and jeans. He went to the Christian school as she did and the boys were allowed to wear jeans. Girls however had to wear skirts or dresses.

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Blue thought it was terribly unfair but the school maintained that girls were to look like “little ladies” and they said God did not approve of them being dressed like a guy. Blue thought it all was non-sense. Blue’s mom did not mind the dress code one bit. Blue’s brother did not have to change his way of dressing and the only restriction was no worded t-shirts that supported any rock or pop or cigarette brands. This school was strict on enforcing this dress code, so much so they kept changes of clothes in case a student came to school dressed inappropriately.

Among the clothes that Blue got she was also allowed to get notebooks, paper, and other school supplies. Each year the list changed with whatever teacher she had or because of the different grade. She liked being able to get school supplies, it was neat and she could be as individual as she wanted. Blue’s mom was broke by the time she acquired all her school things. Blue lived in a middle class home and money was rarely an issue but when the sschool season came around, money was tighter than normal.

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Blue never went without things for her school. Her mom made sure of it. Blue and her brother had tuition dues to attend this school also. This school was private and there was fundraisers throughout the school year to help with the school’s expenses. Most of the parents played a big part in the fundraisers. Back then the parents usually work alongside others and worked long hours in a factory type setting. You could easily rack up a good amount of support with a fundraiser. Since Blue went to a private school, they ran different sales than the other public school systems and this ensured that Blue and her parents would be sure to sell stuff.

Each summer seemed to be shorter and shorter for Blue. She never felt like there was enough time to just frolic or enjoy summer vacation. Blue did like returning to school, however, just to see her friends and perhaps learn something new. Although Blue was not a straight-A student, she did her best mostly. Let’s just say she was good at getting by.

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School time…

New friends, new adventures, and perhaps something new to learn.


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Blue~ Has A Friend, Too

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Blue was rather quiet today. She sat mostly outside and just contemplated things. Today was warm and not too humid with a slight breeze blowing. In her thoughts, she was reminiscing on friends she had and those that were no longer her friends. The one girl in particular that was dominating her thoughts, was her friend Laura. Laura was rather tall for a girl of their age. She was quirky, to say the least. Her ways and demeanor earned her many a nickname from her classmates at their school. Blue liked all that about Laura, she often thought it made Laura special. Laura took it all in stride and really did not show that all the nicknames and teasing from her classmates, bothered her. With her pretty brown eyes, she would say so much, you only had to know her to know what she was saying. Blue knew her that way. They had long been friends, and there was very little each other did not know. So today, Laura was on Blue’s mind.

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Blue was bored today and let her thoughts carry her off into a journey of memories and things. Laura was top on the thinking block. See, days ago Laura was teased so bad, her parents were called to come to pick her up from school. She had been on the playground at school and had taken a fall. Blue knew exactly what happened, she saw it all. There were several boys who were just bullies. They liked to call Laura names, a lot. They had gone a little too far this day and pushed Laura down. She fell against a sidewalk and skinned her knee bad enough she had to go to the emergency room to get stitches. The boys all were called to the principal’s office and they had detention issued as well as having to apologize and write letters to Laura and her parents. Laura’s parents were sad that Laura was picked on so much, and they were rather outspoken about it, to the principal. It was not the first time they had fussed about their daughter getting picked on.

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Seems that nothing really changed for Laura when she returned the next day to school. Blue felt so bad for her friend and wanted to send a warning to those boys who were responsible. So at recess Blue had confronted those boys, who were not allowed to be within a foot of Laura, during recess, and she lit into them. She told them it was wrong to mistreat someone just because they were different. She told them that no matter how weird or different a person is to them, that they should just let them be. Laura saw this all from a distance and a faint smile was across her face as she watched. Blue was angry and with good reason, there was no sense in all this way of behaving. The boys all just stood there and listened to all Blue was telling them. it was as if they were actually re-thinking their actions. Blue spent the rest of recess comforting her friend and told her that she would always defend her and be there for her. Laura hugged Blue and the two felt a little bit stronger. They knew together they would be a force to be reckoned with. After all Blue had the strong will and Laura had all the things necessary to make a person laugh. What more could a person ask for?

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Blue was looking at how her friend must have felt being picked on and then getting pushed and hurt. She determined that she would never be that kind of person, the one that hurt another because of their differences. So for the rest of that school year, Blue made it her mission to friend the weird, the different, and the lonely kids in her grade. She sat with them at lunch and played with them at recess. She lent them books, paper, pencils, and whatever she could when they did not have anything. She and her friend Laura were inseparable and they stayed friends up until her friend’s family moved away. She often thought of that one friend, Laura that changed her perspective on how others feel and get treated. Even in Blue’s adult life that one friend always crosses her mind. She reflects on those wonderful childhood days when she and Laura were friends.

Blue finished up on her thoughts and ran into her house to look at pictures of her and Laura. “This day wasn’t so bad for her,” she thought. When you don’t feel alone when you have a purpose, a friendship like that, what more could you ask for?

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Thank you for reading 🙂

Blue’s Story~ Garden Time!

So much fun it was to do the “garden thing” with Blue’s grandmother. She always looked forward to going out into the garden and picking fresh vegetables to bring into the house and eat later, as her grandmother would prepare and cook them. Her grandmother always made the simplest things taste so very good. One of the best parts of spending time with her grandmother was eating her delicious food. Her favorite was her grandmother’s spaghetti and homemade French fries. Although, when it came to vegetables from the garden, her grandmother could make a great cucumber, with onions, salad, sometimes adding fresh “tommie toe” tomatoes.

It was always funny to Blue to watch her grandmother get dressed to go into the garden. First she would put on long stretchy pants, which were to protect her legs from thorns, critters, and snakes. Then her grandmother insured that nothing could crawl up her pants by wearing long stockings, that had been cut to only extend to her knees, and that was to be tied up on her legs, so it would not slip off of her pants leg. She would also rub herself with this cream that she swore kept mosquitos from biting her. Blue tried to emulate her behaviors with my own clothing, and Blue really didn’t care about mosquitos back in that day, although she should of, since they left big itchy whelps on her.

She learned that clothing and preparation was everything, to her grandmother, who could make going into the garden, like entering a fairyland of surprises and adventure. To Blue, it felt like she was leaving the world she lived in for a tad and walking into another one. Seeing the tallest corn stalks beaming with corn, and feeling the tips of plants hit her as she walked along inside the garden, made for a real creative imaginative time. Often times she found she had wandered too far from her grandmother, and she would have to call out to her grandmother so she could find her. Blue knew that her grandmother would be aggravated with that, interrupting her garden work, but she seemed to always find herself needing the help of some sort. She lost her concentration of the necessary things to do, a lot of the time,but she could not help it. Her imagination always got the better of her.

While in the garden, she helped pick the ears of corn, remove dead leaves or leaves that were discolored. She also helped her grandmother carry a bucket with which to collect the harvest or vegetables. This was the hardest part. Often times she felt that the bucket was too hard to carry and would have to set it down for a while. Often, losing sight of her grandmother, once again. Blue really loved it though, despite some of its not so easy tasks. Blue felt as if she was helping and that really mattered to her. It mattered a lot. Her grandmother never fussed at her, and seemed to enjoy her company. Blue was just grateful for the time she spent with her grandmother and she made precious memories that would last forever.


Seize, the opportunities you have been given. Cherish, the relationships you hold dear, as you go through life. It is from those relationships, you grow wiser and love better.

MwsR

Thank you for reading 🙂

Blue (from Blue’s thoughts)

I know how it feels to be scared. I have spent most of my life being scared. I have felt like there was no-one to trust but many to fear. The ones who were suppose to help me and keep me safe, are the main ones responsible for the fear I have inside. I do cope, if you could say that. Sometimes I relive things and sometimes I imagine things . Using different scenarios I will let my own mind move through it all, until I see what lies at the end of that particular scenario. I have always felt like that is what keeps me from totally cracking or falling apart. If somehow I could imagine things and have myself deal with those imaginations, of worse case scenarios, I would be more prepared and equipped to deal with them should they become a reality. I guess.

A lot of things have happened to me that only I know. As is the case with others, I’m sure. I remember lots of things but never really all in one sitting. The remembered parts of my life, come in segments , sometimes at different months, years, or days. Nothing really has to “set them off”. The thoughts of remembering, just happen when they want , usually. I don’t think anyone could really understand the way my life has truly felt for me. I doubt anyone has a decent clue, even. I have talked about things at various times and those listening will sometimes just nod. Sometimes, those listening to my stories, will comment on what I have told them. None listening or commenting really help me to feel better. In fact seeing their expressions make me feel more isolated, more misunderstood. It is a vicious cycle. I want others to know, to hear, to feel what I did, but how can they, really? Is it even possible?

There has always been that voice inside my head that tells me, “Maybe you have made up half of the stuff you think or say has happened.” It eats away at my mind’s sanity. I mean it could be possible, couldn’t it? Then there is the pain and feelings I felt that flood into my everyday life, into my reasonings, my thoughts, my pain. That would have to be real, right? I mean I have seen or read about someone making up things that they truly believe has occurred or been done to them. They believe in what they have said and feel so much, perhaps they have unannounced to them, convinced themselves of something that is erroneous. I have no doubt that our minds are very powerful motivators for things we do and the actions we do as well.

Why was I put in the life I find myself in? Why must I constantly doubt that true love is something I have, will have, or is even meant for me? I constantly doubt the sincerity of people’s actions, and I question their motives. This comes from the fatherly betrayal and from my own mother’s problems with me, and in dealing with her own life. I find it hard to let myself just relax and lean on another person. It is and has always been a long and strenuous journey for me to come to terms with. However, I must keep going through it, trying to understand it, and keep love in my heart. It would be so easy to not care for anyone, or even myself. I must constantly tell myself I am worthy of love, real love. I must also tell myself that there are genuine people out there with genuine feelings for me. I must never stop believing in faith and hope and charity. Never!

MwsR


Author’s note-

My journey is not the most terrible one that has ever occurred. There are people that have experienced extreme treatments and hurts, and have had awful lives, at the hand of another person. I believe each person is different, feels things differently, and deals with things in a fashion that is appropriate for them. For me, my home life,, has it’s share of secrets, heartaches, and sadness. It is not however without good times, happiness, and love. This has always been my own story, my own life. Being Blue has been one of the hardest burden, to bear. I hope that one day I can help others, the way a few have helped me, by telling the story, so many live and know, as well. I hope in sharing my life that others will find the strength and the courage, for whatever battle they find themselves facing.

Thank you for reading 🙂

Blue ~ Boo!

Most kids grow up hearing ghost stories and things about evil and rarely ever see the evil that lives and breathes right alongside them, daily.

MwsR

Sometimes it isn’t what we cannot see that scares us, but what we actually do see.

MwsR

Blue always looked forward to Halloween events and the whole idea of dressing up and pretending to be something she wasn’t in real life and perhaps someone she wished herself to be. She always got to choose a costume out that she wanted and her mother would sew or make it. Her mother was the best seamstress she had ever known. She could literally make anything she saw or had a pattern for. She self taught herself too. No fancy school was needed because she must of been born with the gift naturally. Blue loved the things her mother would make and sew together for her. She never stopped to think how lucky she really was to have such a gifted mother. I guess when your young and naĂŻve you seldom see the beauty in things that you have, or you just don’t realize the luck you have.

Well, this year at Halloween Blue wanted to be Cinderella. She needed a mask and was kind of scared to ask her mother for one. She never wanted her mother to feel that she was ungrateful for anything and perhaps asking for a store-bought mask, it might make her mother think that way. She had been in the department store with her grandmother and aunt last week and she spied a Cinderella mask for dressing up. Blue had brown hair and knew that to pull off Cinderella she would need the appropriate color of hair and this mask had that. She was hesitant to ask for it, but she really needed it to complete her costume this year.

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Blue gathered up her courage and went to ask her mother for the Cinderella mask from Roses. As she approached her unsuspecting mother she noticed her mother was watching the Price Is Right tv show and she cleared her throat to get her mother’s attention. Her mother looked her way and before she really thought it out, she blurted out, “Can you get me a Cinderella mask, they have one at Roses?” Her mother said, “If it is not too costly I will go get it after work today.” Wow, that was easier than Blue had imagined. her mother did not even question her. She did ask, however, what color of princess dress did she want to have with it? Blue said, “Well, blue color, of course.”

Her mother brought the mask home as soon as she came home from work. She said for Blue not to damage it or tear it up because she would not receive a replacement if she did. Blue was so excited she went into her room and opened the box and tried on the mask. “Perfect fit”, she said. She could just imagine how she would look come Halloween night all dressed up in her costume and she smiled such a big smile, it was almost as wide as the Eerie Canal. What a wonderful time it will be she thought to herself.

Blue was so excited she went to school the next day bragging, about her mask. Several of the kids said they too, were going as Cinderella. Blue actually felt like she was special since she had the same thing others wanted too. When she was doing classwork it was really hard for her to focus on the work since all she could think of was the Cinderella in her head, the one she was going to be for Halloween, she could not wait.

Proud as she was, of her costume for this year’s Halloween, that could not take away the darkness she sometimes felt inside. Halloween was good and all, but she knew exactly what a monster was, personally. She felt the horror, down deep, inside her soul. She lived with a monster every day. Hee took her safe place, surrounded it with evil and made sure she felt isolated and alone. He was someone whom she needed to be able to trust, but he only gave her a lack of trust.

Her own father was her personal monster. He preyed on her innocents and he took her as a hostage to his desires of sinful lust. He was the biggest monster she knew. He would always be the thing she feared the most. Instead of running, it would be many years of torture she would endure. When she became an adult she would no longer trust people, especially those who said they truly loved her. Because of her father, she would doubt that she could ever be much. Because of him, she forever knew “Boo” …


To be continued....
MwsR <3

Thank you for reading 🙂