Month: December 2020

THE Girl Who Felt Too Much…

By MwsR

Her day was never ordinary, instead, it was anything but. Her mind could carry her places no-one else knew that it could.

Her pain was like a birthright, literally and figuratively, despite how much her life constantly changed.

Was it just because of her, that things seemed to go wrong? Or could her lot in life be playing out little by little in every thought, word, and action?

She’d once dreamt of a beautiful life, with kids, happiness, and even seeing herself as a cherished and irreplaceable person but not anymore.

As a child, she enjoyed simple things. She could play in the woods forever, until dark. Never caring about what could be around a bush or what dangers there was awaiting. She just let her imagination take her to wondrous places, where she explored as a child.

I wouldn’t say she was a “tomboy”, but she could climb trees like a monkey. She would walk the creek behind her house almost every day, searching and exploring. The creatures she imagined were so nice and pleasant, in her mind. She didn’t know that the real world would prove to be way different. It is good she didn’t because she would have never left her room.

See in her teenage world there was glimpses of that real scary world, glimpses of things not so pleasant. Those would serve as a warning and she’d have to find her real-life courage instead of her childhood one.

Teenage years were more than she wanted at times, more than she could handle. While her friends had normal worries, stresses, or problems, she had much more complicated ones. The feelings she learned as a child, the innocent ones soon became clouded with different fears.

Her family was unusual if compared to a normal sense. Their secrets surrounded the family home. It was almost like seeing through a dirty window, things were distorted, you could say.

The family liked things that way though. At least No one would be able to see, see the people they really could be.

The girl who felt too much often tried to feel nothing. If she could manage that she’d of been perfect. Regardless of what she felt and needed she never quite could make herself disappear.

So being that she always felt a lot, dreamt a lot she never could create the places she dreamt of. She was stuck in a place she could not escape, at least not yet.

Adulthood was different in that she chooses to walk out of the chaos that had become her family home. There in her adult world, she found some strength, some peace, and some hope. Although the impact of her family home life, changed her, she allowed herself to stay in it. This was different than her teenage years because now she chooses to feel too much about what she wanted to. Whereas in her teenage years her feelings were null and void when it came down to it.

Here in the adult world that she is in she found, her smile again found new meanings and carried on through every day.

The impact of all the bad and confusion she had made her world around did change her. It hurt her, it followed her, and even though she tries not to she always feels too much.