Hope You are all doing okay today and everyday thus far.
I am writing you all today just to let you know some things I have had on my mind lately. Thank you to all those who continue to connect and follow and comment on my webpage. I appreciate it so very much. It is a great honor to have people who genuinely appreciate your words and content.
I just want to say that I have been adding to my “Blue” series of stories. These stories are about a girl who has not had the best of lives but continues to keep moving forward, despite her upbringing and her obstacles. Blue is naive in a lot of ways, but she is hoping that the trust she puts into someone will one day be reciprocated and keep her happy. Trust is something that for Blue she finds most difficult to give to someone. She loves despite being hurt and wants to find her safe place one day. She witnesses lots of abusive things growing up and feels the impact from them heavily and wholeheartedly.
Please check them out if you get a chance.
I also want to say that I am trying to offer the readers something I myself am always interested in and that is my DID YOU KNOW, things I post weekly. I find that there are so many fascinating things for us all to learn. Here is your chance. Follow along weekly in case you miss something.
I am not sure what 2019 will bring for me and this page but I hope to gain more followers, make more writer friends and maybe publish another book soon. With that though comes certain difficulties and it will take time.
Please send me a comment or something you might would wish to see on my webpage and I will take it into consideration. I am always interested in what others find interesting.
I shall see you on this side of the rainbow and hope you all feel loved and blessed.
The time line for this story was the teenage years of Blue, she was around 15 and still unaware of most things in her life around then. Un-expectantly, she had a visit from someone she did not recognize.
Blue was alone this particular day, as she was most days while school was out and her parents had to work. Her brother was visiting a friend. She had the whole house to herself. Times like this was very nice for her. She could walk around the house freely and enjoy playing her music as loud as she wished. Music had been her constant companion since she first discovered it. There was several different genres that she enjoyed. Frankly, almost anything out on the radio was her favorite. She knew the words to almost everything and had no qualms about singing them out loud.
Today Blue was going to organize the bathroom closet. Why? Because she wanted to , and especially since she was not made to. She enjoyed pretending that her parents house was hers and that she was in charge. Part of that imagination led her to change things up a bit. She loved changing the layout of things, because she got bored real easy. She was constantly trying to win her mother’s approval to and since organizing the bathroom closet was something she enjoyed, she was also hoping for “brownie points” from her mother, in doing it.
She turned up her music so loud she guessed the neighbors could hear it. She really did not care, music was on, the sun was shinning and she was going to play around with organizing a bathroom closet that was in diar need of being done. She went to the front door, made sure it was locked, checked the back door to, she did not want anyone coming in on her while she was at the back of the house. So, she set forth to organize that bathroom closet.
She proceeded to take out things one by one until all the shelfs in the closet were empty. Next she went into work mode by folding and sorting the towels and the wash cloths that lay in the floor. She thought she would sort them by their colors and switch things up a bit by placing a wash cloth and a towel of likeness together. She proceeded to fold the wash cloth up in the towel and set them on the shelfs, one by one. She just knew that her mother was going to love this. No more searching for a washcloth to match a towel. She thought it was rather “genius” of herself.
This went on for the next hour and when the bathroom closet was finished, she took a long look at it and was very pleased. She also could not wait till her mother saw how nice and convenient things were now in that closet. Sometimes, while she was doing little things like this she felt proud of herself and felt that she was going to make herself invaluable to her parents.
She really did not know that she should have been valuable even if she never helped out around the house. All kids should be valuable to their parents regardless of what they do or what they don’t do.
The next thing she decided to do was to get her some soup to eat because she was getting hungry. Tomato soup was her go to soup and her favorite to eat. Especially when she ate it with saltines crackers. She knew her mother would not like it anyway, if she ate something else. She turned off her music and turned on her tv. There was a show called, Bonanza”, and it was one of her favorites. Back in those days, there was not much to watch on tv and you had a pick of about three channels to watch. Kids watched cartoons on weekends and sometimes afternoons after school. No much variety but the shows had a lot more depth then. Morals were shown on almost every channel and there wasn’t any real bad to watch programs. Blue loved being able to watch movies. Her mother watched soap operas and she liked them to, but movies were her favorite.
As she was heating her soup up in a pot he heard what sounded to be a knock on the front door. She was thinking to herself that her mind was playing tricks on her. Then suddenly as if a second later, there came another knock. She went to the front windows and peered through the curtains. A car she did not recognize was out in the driveway. There was a person whom she could not really get a good look at, standing outside the front door. Blue knew her mother forbade her to open the door for anyone while her parents were not there. She also knew that she would be in big trouble if she did. Her curiosity was getting thee best of her She figured she would call her mother at her work and get further instruction on what to do. She headed to the phone when she heard the person outside say, “I am your aunt”, and she was in shock. Blue was thinking to herself on who this really was, while dialing her mother’s work number. Her mother got on the ohone and she told her that a lady who said she was her aunt was standing out front of her house. Her mother told her to go ahead and open the door and that her aunt Jean was there, she was guessing.
Blue hung up from talking to her mother, and went to the front door to open it. There in front of her stood a woman. The woman was a little taller than her, with greyish black hair. This woman was very thin, looked to be about 80 pounds. She was dressed in a fake fur coat. Immediately this woman, Blue’s aunt, gave her a big hug and said, “You must be Blue?” Blue said, “yes and who are you?” The woman replied she was her mother’s sister from Washington. Blue invited her in and told her that Blue’s mother was coming home and would arrive shortly. As she sat there she found herself staring at the woman she barely recognized. It was an awkward quietness. Blue did not know how to strike a conversation with her.
The awkward silence could have been cut by a knife it was so thick. Blue offered her aunt a drink or something and that started a conversation. Blue’s aunt asked her if she knew who she was at first. Blue said she did not recognize her at all. Then her aunt proceeded to tell Blue that she had leukemia and had lost so much weight. She said she was wanting to come and visit her sister and her family before she could no longer travel. She also said she was very sick, She informed Blue that she was 74 pounds, and that she was probably dying. Wow, that was a lot for Blue to take in at once. Blue was very sad for her aunt and could not wrap her head around this thing called Leukemia. She did not know exactly what that was.
It was hard looking at the face of someone who was potentially dying. Someone who was her aunt and she never even knew her. She was puzzled as to why she did not know all this already, and why she had not grown to know her. This was a lot to take in and Blue had so many questions she wanted to ask, but she knew she better not. Her mother made it very clear on the phone to say very little to her aunt and to mind her own business. Then Blue saw her mother coming in the door and Blue figured she would learn more about her aunt. Blue was wrong though, as soon as her mother got there she sent Blue to her room, and whatever was spoken in the living room, Blue could not ease drop on because it was like they were whispering. This was puzzling.
It was not very long after being sent to her room, that Blue heard the car start-up and then saw her aunt leaving. It was not very long, especially for someone who came from Washington state to visit. What really hurt was that her aunt was dying and she never even knew her or got to say goodbye. Blue knew that something was not right with the whole thing. It was not normal to have family come visit and them not be offered a place to stay or some time spent with the family they came to see. What in the world?
Some things like that day, stayed forever in Blue’s mind. She did not understand those types of situations. They happened more often than not.
For those that celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas!
For those that do not, Have a Merry Day anyway!
I just wanted to announce this is my 203 day of daily posting. Yay me!
Also I am glad to see more followers, and I hope more will come. Thanks for all those who comment, follow, and share my posts. I really appreciate it.
Although I do not necessarily follow any pattern I do like to keep all of my different interests posting. I work hard to find interesting and helpful things to share with you all.
I am busy trying to get things together for our gift giving and celebrations at my house and my brother in laws. We go to his house on Christmas Eve and of course we are my house on Christmas Day. It is fun and taxing all in the same accord.Seems like we all prepare for about 20 minutes of unwrapping gifts. The time it takes to buy, wrap and share, goodness!
I hope everyone has love and comfort, healing and transitioning, wellness and support.
I shall see you on this side of the rainbow, again!
Today was not unlike all the many days before for Blue. She awoke with not much on her mind, in way of things to do, but to get herself ready for school. Same as always, she was wishing she had time to stay in bed just a little more. Her covers on her bed were always so cozy and warm, from her body heat where she had lain. Blue was always so cold in the wintertime. Her parents kept the door to her room shut and the heat turned off. The sole source of heat they used was a fireplace, that was stationed in the living room. The reason for this was to save money on their power bill. Blue was certain though that they intentionally left her to freeze.
Like all kids, Blue figured there was some meaning to the fact that she had no heat in her room. Often time she figured it was a sort of punishment for something she had most certainly done. It seemed like she was always doing something that her parents did not approve of. Often, Blue wished she was perfect, but she knew that was not even remotely possible. She was simply not cut out to be perfect. Even as a kid she knew she would disappoint and bewilder much of the time, her parents.
Blue often pondered how her life would be if she had been her sister.
Her sister was way older than her and they did not resemble or think the same way. There was very little in common between her and her sister, but that really did not matter to Blue. To Blue, her sister was darn near perfect and favored by their parents. She just knew she wanted to grow into someone just like her sister. Although, she did not know how. If she was her sister, she just knew her parents would be proud of her, that they would love her through any mistake and that they would tell all their friends about her. Like they always did of her sister.
Often Blue would catch herself trying to watch her sister’s every move. She really could not understand what it was that her parents saw so special in her sister. Her sister appeared to be normal. Often her sister would walk out from her room and Blue would sneak a visit or look into her sister’s room. Blue was really just curious but also felt that maybe there was some magical power in there directing her parent’s affection towards her sister. There was no way her sister could be more important than her, surely there must some magical reason for this type of affection her sister received.
Often her sister would find her inside of her room and yell at her, running her out and quickly shutting the door behind Blue as she fled for her life. There just had to be dark secrets inside of her sister’s room, Blue just knew it. Contrary to her sister’s opinion of her, Blue wanted desperately to be close to her sister. Blue really did not know a whole lot about her sister. It was as if the years that separated them in age, separated them in love. Blue just wanted to be close to her sister, but she did not know how.
At an early age it was, Blue figured out how unfair life could be.
She was often time bewildered but not free from the bias her household had. She knew that she could try so very hard to seek her parents approval but in reality she would never get it, not like her sister did. Often she found herself feeling jealous and having self-pity. Of course, she also loved all her family and like all kids, she would continue to seek their love and approval.
Perhaps Blue was destined to be a failure, she often times thought. Maybe if she quit trying so hard to be adored, she would feel better.
I am hoping everyone is faring well. I have been busy doing the usual things like…
Taking care of my cats, my two dogs and my grandkids as well as my kids and husband. I really would not trade those things for anything else, because that is all my life and the things I love the most.
I hope that everybody is enjoying my webpage still. It seems I am getting more and more onlookers. I have had some come from the internet search , which makes me happy. If you have never tried looking yourself up, you should try it. It is amazing where you show up and what information s being shown about you. Kind of scary though, as well. You never know what kind of crazy people are looking in on you!
I am trying to post daily, seems my three-month preparation has passed now and I am having to write ahead for months to come. That way I never miss posting. It is important, I think, to keep people engaged as well. Comment and message and like people’s writings. It can make all the difference to a person struggling to find a place within this and other communities. I have noticed that not many comment anymore, as they use to on my things. I guess that is just the nature of things. Cannot please everyone and I am not going to beg for anyone to do it. No one should ever have to pry a compliment or comment from this world audience. Just like everything else we do in this world, it is not always going to be noticed or appreciated, or welcomed by all who see. That is totally okay.
I appreciate those who acknowledge my award, RAKA, and participate. Those who do not acknowledge it, is there a reason for this? I think I make sure to tag people I have nominated and I think this award is fairly simply to participate in. If you know of anything or have a reason for as to why people I nominate do not respond, please let me know. You can email those comments to me. Thanks ahead for any who do.
I just want to wish everyone a good rest of the week and so forth. I hope those who continue to support me, and encourage me, and comment and follow, know how deeply grateful I am for that.
I hope to see and hear from you on THIS SIDE OF THE RAINBOW…