Tag: Death

Presence, poem

I have visited your grave, many times

Not in actuality but in my mind.

Seeing the graveside flowers, and studying them so

The people in the photos, the ones I know

Sometimes, we don’t actually have to be present

To feel such a presence.

Life went on without you in it

People adapted, things changed, from it

But something for me was magnified,

I never realized it, and how it applied

Here I was mourning the chance of never meeting you

Yet I did, it is true

I was held by you, once

I was loved by you, and heard your voice

No, it did not last for my lifetime, but it did in yours.

You once held my hand,

Heard me cry,

I have struggled with this, I don’t know just why.

You knew me, I knew you not

I have such a huge heart knot

I will wish until my dying days

To had known you, in all ways.

Until then, I will revisit your grave

The one in photos, the place where you lay.

Studying the people and flowers so

Sometimes, we do not have to be present

To feel someone’s presence.

MwsR <3

Thank you for reading 🙂

Poem

TODAY

Today…years ago

My mom died

I cried

They tried

Today…

I am sad

Others feel bad

There’s some mad

Today…

Life changed

Funeral was arranged

Others acted strange

Today…

Life as I knew was forever changed

Others feels my pain

Memories remain.

MwsR >3


Thank you for reading 🙂

MwsR writings

I think that this past week has taught me a lot about others, and myself. 

I went to see my dying sister and it was an image I think I will never shake from my mind. Seems like time was not on her side but allowed her to be around to say her farewells to her loved ones, which is way more than what others get. I am glad she had that time. I am glad I had that time to say goodbye to her. She was a rather comical sister. She laughed and loved to make others laugh. I saw glimpses of that when I went to visit her. That brought some comfort to the situation, to know she could still joke and be comical, facing the end of her life.

Sometimes funerals and saying goodbyes to a dear one is more for those saying goodbye than for those that are passing on from this life. It is those who pas away suddenly and most  unexpectantly that are hardest , I think, to bear. We do not get to say our final blessings or what have you to those who pass without warning. It is hard to live with sometimes, and it can cause such pain.

This past weekend was the service for my sister. It was wall to wall with people , some standing for lack of seats and some that stood in the door way area. It was amazing to see how many people came to say their farewells. Everyone had words of love and fond remembrance of my sister. I saw two pictures of her when she was much younger. It was uncanny at resemblances of her and I heard from several people how I looked like her, and it was bittersweet.

I think what I learned most was that people have a hard time with death and while others don’t, there is still the fear of the unknown after we leave here. I saw and heard from people who regretted not having more time and others who wished things had have been different for their relationship with my sister. I learned that we as humans have a hard time letting go. I know that we as humans, cling to things and have a fear of living a life outside of our pain. Sometimes, we try to punish ourselves by staying in a constant mourning, so to speak, and we will not let ourselves truly carry on with our own lives.

Sometimes, life can sink right down into our very soul and in doing so, we cannot ever truly free ourselves of things like remorse, guilt, tragedy, terrible times, hard times, and things that were not pleasant. We have to , you hear me, we have to! We are not meant to carry every single thing that we regret or have done wrong or that has happened in our life on our own shoulders and especially things that connect to our soul. It is impossible to live our lives in a SHADOW of who and what we were meant to be. We must forgive our past judgements, mistakes, regrets, and lack of’s. We are human and we will not always do things the right way, say all there needs to be said , or even treat people the way they should be treated, no matter how hard we try.

What I took away with me from this terrible week was to cherish the good moments the fleeting ones too.

  • Make the most of every person, every opportunity you can.
  • Do not wait for tomorrow may not come. 
  • Forgive those that wronged you 
  • Forgive those who are still wronging you.
  • Love yourself enough to say, “That is okay to walk away from stress and conflict.”
  • Let things go.
  • Love with your true self, regardless of what others think.
  • If God is in your life, cling to him, he will cling to you.
  • Make amends, as best you can.  Sometimes others will not give you a chance to do this, it is not your fault. It is something within their own heart that needs to change. Sadly sometimes that never happens. Try and accept it.
  • Do not stay silent when things are in conflict, use your love and let it guide your mouth.
  • It is okay to be HUMAN.
  • Accept that not everyone in your life will love you for being you and that is okay.

 And in closing this thought…

Please allow yourself some happiness and forgiveness and love.

MwsR <3

 

Thank you for reading 🙂

Death

One day there will be a time to die

That day will be one we must endure

The day will come when our life will try to make its great escape

When the only sound we really will be listening for

Will be the voices of those that we held dear.

Food we will not need  and it will be the least on our minds.

We will come to a point when nothing more will really matter

When the noise from death drowns out all the chatter.

A calmness will either be there or it will not

It will be out of our hands as we are soon to depart

People will come visit but to ease their own pain

It will appear that, they all are just vain

They will bring with them memories

Memories of a time you once participated in

A time when life seemed very special to them

You might see clearly or things could be cloudy,

But your ears will work and be on guarded detail

You will lie there, you will come in and out of dreams

Some faces you might not recognize, some people possibly you had never seen

A mirror will no longer tell you sweet lies

The bed will be your station, and on it you will lie.

An occasion touch or two directed towards you

An offer of some water, and the smell you caught of someone’s perfume.

It will be the most impersonal time,

The most strung out, lingering time.

Who will be there to see your last breaths

Will it be strangers in uniforms or family

I hope you won’t be lonely when it comes to your end

I hope you find yourself in the middle of family and friends

I hope your death will not be long and drawn out

I hope it is peaceful and in dignity you will die.

I wish this for all.

MwsR <3

 

 

Thank you for reading 🙂

Writings,W

20180615_162535 As a writer of the heart and such things, I find that today I am at a loss as to what I should write. I find myself in a void of thought that myself cannot fill. I am just going to start writing and let what comes out spill.

I am the second born in a family with six children. I am one of four girls born to the same mother. I have two brothers born from the same mother, also.

None of us have grew up in the same household except my three younger siblings. Sure, some have been in the same area or home with another, on and off. My mother had six children, four girls and two boys. She has since passed away and in a few short years, I have been able to get to know more of my family and their lives. I searched for many years for the one sister I will refer to as W. She lived an hour and some from me and although we never met aside from our mother’s funeral, we have enjoyed chats here and there on the phone. I just lost my sister W today.

I will not say that any of us are really close, except maybe the three that grew up together. I would like to say that my older sister, the oldest, her and I share the same father and mother. We are just a few years apart in age and we both grew up differently and apart. I love my siblings and it does not matter to me that they and I were not together all our lives. I am the second oldest. In writing that, I feel a sense of obligation to our family, as far as being a support. Although ,I have not mastered that as of this moment, I feel that everything has a purpose and my being the second born definitely gives me one with which I hope to know one day.

It is possible to be from two different worlds and feel a bond, a connection with someone. I am living proof of this. I am an empath and to deny that I care and have strong feelings for others would make me a liar of sorts, to my own identity. It is in my nature to care for others, even those who do not necessarily care about me. I also write this, as not to toot my own horn, but to explain why things bother me on a deeper level than say, most people. Since I can remember, I have struggled to belong somewhere, and know that I was loved. My husband said it best when he said, “You have separation anxieties.” I do, I really do. So perhaps, I cling a little more, hold on a little tighter, and push myself sometimes into others life, that I love and care about. It is a true and most honest thing I just wrote.

I feel like sometimes there is not enough empathy around. People are so selfish by nature and they really don’t mean to be selfish, but come out to others, as just that. People try to preserve their own selves from hurt and pain and they do what comes natural to them and sometimes they end up with a worse than before situation. We all need or want someone’s approval, love, or otherwise. We are not here on this big old planet alone, now are we?

I feel that in writing some about our feelings, or what I am feeling today, I will be more apt to deal with the days following today, when I shall say goodbye for one last time to a sister that was born into my family. A sister that I will miss getting to know better, miss getting to love, and miss getting to help. A sister that by all accounts, is in my heart of hearts, and will be till I myself, die.

I hope she is walking with angels and I hope she is finally the happiest she has ever been. I wish peace for her close and dear loved ones and until the life is over for us all, I hope everyone has a chance to live and be happy.

Until next time, on this here, side of the rainbow, I bid you adieu.

MwsR <3

 

Thank you for reading 🙂