Pain Is A Pen by MwsR

When I think back on my life, the fifty some years I have been alive on this earth, I have many things that I hold in thought. I think of being adopted, first and foremost. I would not say being adopted made me, but it sure shaped my opinions, my ideas, my motives, at times, and so forth.

One of the reasons I write is because i have a lot of things inside this brunette haired head. I have always used my writing be it by pen and paper, or by typing, as a form of therapy. I have never been to someone for therapy and frankly I am not in favor of doing that, as it pertains to me, I have however, seen those who are so much happier and better for going to see someone in the therapy business. I do believe it can and does help some. I for myself, choose to let God and myself deal with my own issues.

Thinking of my life, I mentioned being adopted. Adoption has many outcomes. Some are painful, some are great, and some adoptions are just so-so. Like with everything in life, adoption is not a guarantee that a person will be happy or fulfilled. It does not discriminate between person’s of any particular race or creed. I believe adoption is like either a means to better predicament, or perhaps someone’s dream in that they wished to be adopted, or maybe it gives hope where hope was lost. If adoption is done right and with open minds, I believe there is much potential for a better life, a more loving one, and a more stable future. I’m not here to just write about adoption, all though to know some of the reason’s why I write, one might need to understand, that I was adopted.

For me pain was a pen. It was the means to get things off of my chest, from around my heart, and out from inside my mind. My pen has always been emotion. I write because I am empathetic and a very sensitive person. I can almost feel another’s plight o their pain. Sometimes it is because I too, have lived their way. Maybe I have contemplated some of their same emotions before. I am not sure that it is just pain that keeps me writing. I think I write because I want to help others. I want others not to feel alone in the emotions they have. Although we all are individuals, we are also emotional human beings.

If you have pain in your past, in your life, in this moment, how can you turn that into something else, maybe something positive? I write sometimes of things I see, sometimes it is things I feel. More than not it something I have lived before that pushes me to write. I do not dwell on what I write, and honestly half of the time I don’t even re-read it. I feel that when I am writing it is coming as it is laid upon my heart. If I were to re-read most of it, I would see flaws, see errors, and if I correct those, I would miss the emotion that led me write it. I don’t know if that makes sense to you. I hope you are following me.

I know people that plan their writings, plan their poems, plan their posts carefully and to a “T”. I do not. I write poems especially as they come in my head. See, that is why it is therapy. You don’t plan what you are going to say in aa therapy session, do you? You just let emotions come as they come. I like rhyming and although poems don’t have to rhyme, I like the flow of rhyming. I like the correlation, like it connects the first line to the next. It is easy to read. It makes things stick in your mind. Like a favorite song verse or a saying that you’ve heard on the radio or someone has “YouTubed”.

Another thing I think about is, what my life will be in the remaining years I have left on this earth. I worry over things that have never happened, but could. I am sometimes a worrywart. I think of scenarios before they actually occur. I use my thinking to come up with a solution or way to handle things. I bet you all do that to.

I love to be able to express myself, express my thoughts, and share something that I think is important. Pain is the pen that helps me write. The point that it read by countless others, and perhaps shared with others, makes me feel blessed. We are given certain opportunities in this world. We can help others, we can hurt others, or we can hurt and damage others. What does your writing do?

There are so many facets of a person’s life. We can either deal with those facets or keep them or ignore them. Either way they will find a way to reveal the issues, or problems we all have. You can write or dance, or create, or do anything that will help you. We should not keep things locked up inside where it will cause damage. Then again, not everything is to be set free from inside either. We are complex creatures and our minds produce alot of funk that might be disturbing or scary to others. Our minds also connect with our feelings and not everyone will understand or accept your thoughts. That doesn’t mean you are not allowed to do whatever means you feels to help yourself. You should, because sometimes we are the only ones who can help us. Sometimes it is a necessary thing for us to take care of us.

As my life has had many ups and downs, many turn arounds, many smiles and frowns, your life does too. Give each moment of your life credit, give yourself a full life. Live and let live. Love and be loved. Where pain has been my pen, I am still happy in the end. I am still having a good life. I made it through many storms of life but I freed myself, God loved me more than I loved myself. That has been enough.

I shall see you all on the other side of the rainbow! MwsR