www.podbean.com/ei/pb-h5spv-cf3dc8
Podcast poem by MwsR, me
Perspective, By MwsR
There is a time to be present
And a time to be silent.
A time to think first
And a time to resist the urge.
There is a time to be sad
And a time we should be mad,
A time to shout
And a time to figure it out.
There is a season to change
And a season to re-arrange things.
A time comes, to dance around
And a time comes, to escape from our bounds.
A season to mourn for a loss we have had
And a reason to remember the good times that made us glad.
There are risks worth taking
And memories worth making.
For every heartache we share
We should empathize and care
For every thought that crosses our mind
We should watch our words and try to be kind.
There is a time to be proud
And times when we should not be loud.
Every thought, word, action, and event has a place
We all share this with one another in one way and shape.
Lets put things where they ought to be,
It starts with you and me.
I See This Space
by Me…MwsR
There is so much to remember
So much that it makes me limber
It was another time
It was another place
With different things
With different faces
A mere shadow of me to come
The one who chanced to love someone
The part that made me dance
The one others gave no second glance
No second chance
Strange yet all to close
Nothing will ever rid me of all those ghosts
A train track without an end
Tracing steps like they’re an old friend
Walking alone but really I’m never
Seems it’s common for me to weather.
Glass with a small crack
The crack is always seen but never fixed
I see this space
It’s familiar
It’s large enough to hold
All I am
It’s truly bold
But its never released me.
Not sure if I want to be.
Staying in this space until all eternity.
Camille….by MwsR(Alzheimer’s)
I watched helplessly as a vibrant smart intelligent woman turned into a whole different person. This was over 20 years ago.
I really had watched this lady my whole life read her Bible every day, do crossword puzzles ridiculously fast, and she had a great personality.
She cooked some of the best breakfast. I loved how she put saltines in her coffee and claimed it took the bitter taste away. She had blondish red hair with curls that she imposed every night from rolling her hair in those foam curlers. She was tall and slender. She wore glasses that she hung on her neck with a chain. She was a modest dresser and loved wearing her socks over her pants while working in the garden. She said that would keep bugs from going up to her pants. Haha.
It seemed like in a blink of an eye that all that changed. Her ALZHEIMERS was a fast progressive kind. I watched her go from praising God to cussing like a sailor. I watched her ability to read, cook, garden and such things diminish away.
She went from being independent to being dependent.
Her Bible laid now, next to a portable potty chair. Her crossword puzzle books would now be torn and thrown around the room from one of her latest fits.
She was no longer kind and acted like a child. Never satisfied and turning on those who loved her most.
I remember her this way…and many other ways too.
It got worse the longer she went through this.
I miss my Great Aunt CAMILLE. I cared for her when no-one else could anymore. She impacted my life then more than I knew ay the time. She kept ALZHEIMERS for many years until one day her souls were at peace. I believe God took her to be with him. I was pregnant with my first child when I said my last goodbyes to her.
Someone mentioned God takes a person when replaced by another soul. I am not sure of this but it reminded me of Aunt CAMILLE. My firstborn came into the world a month after CAMILLE died. So who knows…
Hello memory, my old friend
I see you came to haunt again
I’ve broken heartstrings and a shaken soul
Took so much effort just to stand the cold
And the wheels ,of my brain, are seemingly strained,
But they still remain
Within the time spent… in silence.
Silence by MwsR
Torment In My Brain. By MwsR
Too many times I have let chaos be my norm
Many dreams turned into nightmares and kept me torn.
Peace was hard to have , to expect, or even see.
Why couldn’t I get some for little ole me?
Moments spent pondering and rehashing old dreams,
Felt like I was coming apart at the seams.
Turning and tossing at night just to rest my weary brain,
Some times that had left me in so much pain.
It’s almost as if I’d let it all point at me like a gun in my own hand,
Aiming for my own heart was almost more than I could stand.
Will it ever end?
The silent miserable attack,
Or will it keep coming for me and pushing me on my back?
Maybe it’s like a curse the one that holds true,
I guess you’re thinking, better me than you.
When I’m done, I’m done, by MwsR
When I’m done, I’m done
There is no happiness, no fun.
Won’t let it make me sad
Just know without you won’t be so bad.
It’s horrible though
If you ignore what inside, you know.
When glad times fade away
When there is nothing left to say.
The same hello and goodbyes mean nothing anymore
The anticipation now has turned to a bore.
You can and should still carry on, go ahead
You deserve to continue, flourish, and be anything but “dead”.
If there ain’t no more room in there or with them,
Pick up yourself and walk away, start again.
Who needs complicated, dilapidated, and aggravated?
Not me, not you , not ever.
How can one talk about the “new”
When my heart still is fighting loving you.
Where can one put this all behind,
All years that were so unkind
Never starting anything
Because of losing almost everything
To say I learnt from being blue
That is the only thing I think that’s true.
Shattered are all those years, of mine
Sacred, was never those tears that I cried
Humble has always been the way to be
Scarred was the love you seldom gave to me.
New Year, same tears
New beginnings, same fears
A twisted justice is my restraint
Walking all over someone, it ain’t
New to who, I have no ideal
I just know these feelings of mine are real.
Here’s to more, missing you, but not
Hoping you’d come, but wishing you’d stop
Dreaming things would be different and change some way
But knowing in my heart, that’s not how this game is played.
And so it’s cheers to the believers, the hopeful, and the humble
The ones who show you how to be real loving
The ones who walk the path seldom trod
Just to make someone else, better than not.
Happy doesn’t seem the appropriate wish
But,” Long live the strong”, is.
Mws R Writings 