Category: Writings

As a kid, wishing for things to stay the same, but realizing that they would not, I often daydreamed. I guess I reckoned that if I could not physically change things then I would just dream of what I wanted. Daydreaming, or pretend as others call it,, helped me a lot growing up. Each of my dolls had a name, and so did my stuffed toys. I can still by memory, say their names, they were that special to me. I still have a lot of my stuffed toys that I could not part with because they were so significant to me in one way or another.  There are so many times that I felt my toys were the only ones who loved me.

Now I know that might sound weird to some, but my toys, served a purpose for me. Just like a lot of people have various attachments to things. Think if you will about how for some it could be an attachment to a certain picture, thing, or perhaps a particular car.

For whatever reason people hold significance and meaning in things that were around during a special time in their life. It would be a bad time as well, that maybe they had. I was a kid that felt abandoned by a mother I , at the time, did not know. I didn’t even know the whole story as to why things went the way they went. All I knew as a child was what I was told or what I could conceive on my very own. I turned to my stuffed animals and dolls because I thought they were pretty special. I also thought that perhaps they heard me and would always listen to me. I am not quiet sure what my frame of mind was back as a child but I do know I, to this day, love my stuffed animals and dolls as I did being a child. You can ask my children, my stuffed things are very dear to me.  I am not obsessive or unnaturally weird about them but each one has a reason for being with me.

I guess as an adoptive child I needed those reasons for holding onto the ones I did. I would many times, venture into my “magical” closet and sit and talk to my stuffed toys and dolls as if they were really listening. You can get a lot of your chest when you need to, haha. One of my favorites is a stuffed elephant.  She is grey with pink inside her ears. Her name is ELLIE. Yes, she is named and she is a she and my grandfather gave her to me. My grandfather brought her one day to my house for my 13th birthday. She has and still is with me, after all this time. I lost my grandfather years ago, he was 98, and I cherish Ellie more now than ever.  I also have a stuffed monkey, his name is Elijah. He has a plastic banana in his hand, and is part plastic and part stuffed. He is still with me today. I don’t remember where he came from but he was the best monkey a girl could have asked for.  Another is a doll, that my uncle brought me from Germany, Her name is Emma and my uncle said he thought of me when he saw her, so he had to buy her for me. She has eyes that close when you tilt her, and they are blue like mine. She has brown hair and she has a  dress on. I keep her because she was one of the few things my uncle got for me, plus she was a doll from Germany. My uncle has since passed on but she will always remind me of him.

See,things can hold such special meaning to a person. it does not have to be special to everyone or anyone else, as long as it to you.

My stuffed dolls and toys helped me go through many changes in my life as a child and they served as a comfort to me. Some children chose a special blanket or pillow, but I choose my toys. There is more I could say and so much more to share, but that is for another day. If you find comfort in something it is okay to cherish it and keep it around you. it is okay to let things remind us of times past or times cherished. no one can tell you how to personally deal with life and your circumstances, it is not theirs to decide for you. Go ahead and deal with life the way you can and the way that works for you. It may look foolish or insignificant to others but that is okay.

Thanks for reading,

MwsR ❤