Three Things Challenge/July10th

Monkey, April, Brick               https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/82277260/posts/1919331411

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/82277260/posts/1885843183

Monkey Poem

Monkey, monkey on that tree

How many people have you seen?

One carrying food perhaps

Possibly me

Could be.


April

One of the best days, happened on April 11th, 1976. My baby brother was born. My hope was that one day this little baby would grow up and we would be the best of friends. The kind that make it through thick and thin. He was seven years younger than me. I just knew he would always look up to me and love me.

It has been 21 years since we last spoke. Often times I remember back to when me and him were kids and we played with actions figures and pretended to have a restaurant, which included a whole et of play utensils and dishes. We also had a play cash register with coins and fake bills. It was so fun playing when we were small. How did it all go so wrong?

The last time I saw him, I was in my car. I yelled out to him as I saw him crossing the road going into a store. I even stopped at the sidewalk. He saw me, looked into my window and turned back around and walked away. He did not want anything to do with me. That was one of the worst days for me. I knew then he did not want to have anything to do with me.

So each April, my thoughts go towards him and what was and what could of been.

Mwsr ❤


Brick

Of course this song hit my head when I saw the word, BRICK. Ha ha

Lyrics below!

Uh
Um-um-um
Ow she’s a brick house
She’s mighty mighty just lettin’ it all hang out
Ow she’s a brick house
Like lady stacked that’s a fact ain’t holding nothing back

Ow she’s a brick house
Well we’re together everybody knows this is how the story goes
She knows she got everything that a woman needs to get a man yeah-yeah
How can she lose with the stuff she use?
36-24-36 ow what a winning hand
‘Cause she’s a brick house

Read more: Commodores – Brick House Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Quote for the day

backlit dawn foggy friendship
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True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.”

― Baltasar Gracian

 

Lingering Breeze/ Poem by MwsR

There is a lingering breeze

It carries your scent to me

woman in blue shirt sightseeing
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I often breathe it in

So I can feel close to you again.

It flows with such a purpose

My heart needs it

My senses grab on

It settles in my heart

There is where you will remain

This lingering breeze

Carries your essence to me

It helps take me back to times gone by

It transforms the tears I cry

I love this yet it is such a burden

Always having this lingering

This reminder

This essence

These tears

This love as well as a burden.

MwsR ❤

Dreamland/ Poem by MwsR

 

beautiful bright close up color
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You once took my hand, 

 

You said you would take me away to that happy place.

Promising me that what was going on was a total nightmare and not real

But I was the only who could see and feel it.

You whispered right to my soul

Told me that bad people are only in the movies

But I found no comfort in those words

Instead I lived without comfort for many years.

You said there would be rainbows after the rain

Sent me wishing along a path of make belief,

Showed me nothing and still wanted me to follow you

To believe you, and I willingly was naïve.

Turns out that behind every dream I ever dreamt of happiness,

One of sorrow interrupted me.

I found nothing to help

No one in my world to grab a hold and not let go of me

All I had when it was said and done was a need to flee.

I stopped dreaming for it left me falsely in a daze of happiness

Instead I stopped listening to you and faced the awful dread.

Don’t bother me anymore!

I can’t live in that Dreamland.

MwsR ❤

 

The Stranger In My House/ Abuse

What seemed innocent enough at first, quickly became much more twisted and demented. If you were an onlooker at my family you would think everything was as it should be. You would see members of my family as very nice, helpful and charming at best. If you were fortunate enough to ever visit, you would see a place where people of my family ate, slept, and played. There would be pictures on the wall of times past, and people at varying ages, usually of us kids. There would be no full family picture though. You never saw all five of us. My father would excuse himself in one way or fashion just to never be photographed. I guess you could say he was photo shy. I am not sure. Each family member had their personal things there in our house, and to onlookers we were completely normal.

 

 

My mom went faithfully to morning Sunday worship and never went on Sunday nights because she was not allowed to.  She worked a fulltime job and my father worked a fulltime job at the same place he had always been. He built furniture for a living and he was top-notch at building almost anything a person would want. My mother was a supervisor at her many sewing plants and she was excellent at making anything you could possible want for clothes or otherwise. Both my parents were very skilled at what they had interest in and that was something they made a careers in their life. Neither of them graduated high school. Neither of them went to college, but through the devotion they had for their jobs they excelled there. I admired their tenacity and to me I thought they were both very smart.

My mother attended everything I participated in  at school and my father would never. He did not like crowds and he rarely ventured anywhere else besides his job place and home. If he needed something he would go to the closet convenience store. Attending my school functions were not top on his list of things to do. I had often asked him to come but he would give some lame excuse as to him not being able to come. It got monotonous asking him, so eventually I came to expect him not coming. I often had to make my own bogus excuse as to why my own father never came. I played lots of basketball, volleyball, and cheerleading. I also performed in chorus events and competition, so there was always plenty of opportunity to come see me. I was sad that he thought no more of the things I was interested in . That was just one of the many things though that no one never really knew about my family.

I was the middle child and to say that my position was the best in the family would be one of sarcasm. For it was not the best in fact it felt like the worst possible place to be. I was never the oldest and never the youngest, so that meant that the special things those positions had , I did not. Instead I got hand me downs and was the one always responsible for my younger sibling and their mishaps and I was not old enough to do any “firsts”. I instead made the best of the hierarchy I was in. I learned to take what good I could and run with it.

Man, there is so much in between background in my life that would make your heads turn but I will try to make this shorter than it really is, for the sake of keeping your interests.

So moving the timeline up further into my teenage years…

I remember spending many overnights with friends and it usually would be on a weekend since I was not allowed to spend the night with anyone on a school night. I would usually go home with my friend from school letting out and stay till Saturday morning sometime. I really enjoyed getting away from my family and my house because thing there could not had been more disturbing and complicated for me.

The things that were happening at my house, in my home, no one knew about. No one came riding to save the day on a white horse. The things that were happening I was having to deal with all on my own. I was always looking for a way to be gone or separated from my family back in those days. Even if it was riding to the grocery store with my mom. I always asked to go when my mother was going somewhere and I always asked a friend if I could spend the night with them.

I liked seeing how normal families lived. I would study their behaviors as if I was writing a novel. I sometimes secretly wished that they would let me live with them because frankly, I was looking for an escape from my home life. I wanted to live in a normal, healthy family. It was not too much to hope for, or at least I did not think so back in those days. I would study the family dynamics and roles that my friends family had and how they interacted with each other. Often I really could not imagine my family ever being that normal. Mostly I prayed at night that mine would change. Sadly, it never did, in fact it kept getting stranger and harder to live in.

Where can a teenager go when the family they are in does not want them anymore? I often cried myself to sleep wondering why my life was so hard and what did I do to deserve the way I was always treated. Maybe in my mind I blamed it on growing up and getting older. Maybe I even blamed it on my ways of thinking or my need to be loved so much. Was it possible that I was asking too much out of the family I had?

I knew I was far from being perfect and that sometimes I had to be difficult to parent but I feel my actions were always in pursuit of my not wanting to disappoint or fail as a child. I was not the smartest, in my family, nor was I the perfect kid but I darn welltried. Sometimes I would forge a signature on a bad grad that I got in school just so I would not disappoint my parents. I sometimes lied about doing my homework and sometimes I was in trouble for talking in class, but generally I tried. I have to admit I had a lot on my mind during those school years and I know that affected my way of learning and the attention or lack of attention I gave to something in school.

I remember one time opening up to a teacher about things at home. This was during a time when my mom had went in for routing tuba ligation surgery after having my brother. Her surgeon had cut the wrong thing and she almost bled to death from it. I remember the hushed talks my father and grandmother was having about her and it scared me to death. I would sneak onto my parents bed and sniff my mom’s pillow and pray to God that she would come back home. I needed my mom and I was really having a hard time. I jus knew that he was near death and that she would be in the hospital for a while. I told my teacher this, I confided in him and he did not care. He had brought me out in the hall and was telling me my grades were bad, that I might fail my class if I did not get it together. I explained that I could not concentrate because my mom almost died and was not home yet… He did not acknowledge that but instead wrote a letter to my parents to be signed upon arrival at school the next day. I just knew my father would not be happy that I told my teacher our personal business, not to mention that I was failing so I forged my mom’s signature. I knew that it was wrong but still.  I say that to say I was far from perfect. I also passed that class with a D. Yay for me. Or was it?

Certainly things were stressful at school, stressful at home and on top of it all I was feeling scared of my father and unwanted by my siblings and I dreamed of better days.

My father was not the most loving person and he only should an interest in things that he really liked. Things like me…

My father and I had an unhealthy relationship in my teenage years. He would manipulate me and I feared him. Often time I was nothing more than his personal helper. He summoned me to bring him coffee out to his garage/workshop and he had to have his coffee one way and one way only. If I got it wrong, he would grill me as to why I did not love him enough to get one simple thing right. He would tower over me and intimidate me, so much so I usually ended up crying and trying to re-do whatever it was that offended him. He was 6 feet tall and I was 5’3″ at best. He could make me feel so very small. I never understood what love for him had to do with what he wanted me to do for him.  That was one of the multiple things  I dealt with. Funny thing is he never showed this interaction with me, when another person was around , especially my mom.

I think he knew when to do things and when he shouldn’t. He was very sneaky.

I remember when I first took interest in a guy from church. When he fund out, he was once again trying to intimidate me. He would use questions like, “You would replace me for that guy, would you?” or ones like “Why do you need a boyfriend, you have me, ain’t I enough?” ” Don’t let me catch you kissing on another guy,” he would often say. That behavior seemed odd to me, and I often wondered if he was jealous and why in the world would he be, he was my father.

Famous last words of a fool…

To be continued…

 

Thanks for reading! Comment, share, like!

MwsR ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sun/Poem

art beach beautiful clouds
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Seeing the sun and all it shines upon

Knowing that is has so much power

Able to go “shine” wherever it chooses to

Beneficial to all living things, the giver of abundance

Every flower, every tree, and every being looks up to it.

 

Imagine a world without it…

Without its loving touch

Without its warmth

That would be tragic and scary

Nothing would grow, no tree, not any flower, no being.

Things would gradually cease to exist.

 

 

I personally love the sun and what it can do.

Don’t you?

MwsR ❤

 

Personal Thoughts/Difficult

beach depression sad tattoo
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Sometimes, life is difficult but along with those difficult moments it is filled with so much more. We all learn from the good as well as the bad times in our own lives. As I get older I am reminded also that life is fleeting and any, if all, moments are what you make from them and take from them.

There are so many things I as a person need to learn and change into something better. I have not been without much disappointment, but in the same regards, I think I too have brought someone much disappointment at one point or another. What do you do with the knowledge of disappointment?  You try to learn and move forward from what caused it.

I am not a psychologist or a mental health professional but I have went to college and have a degree in an area where we were taught to be life coaches and life mentors. In my degree of Human Service, we learned that the human mind is very complex and powerful. It is not so easy to know what we should always think or do but it starts with one move forward and then it will reveal to you what you are looking for. Nothing worth having, ever came easy. As in life and in single moments, we need to remember what our goals are, what we want from our life and what we are willing to do to get that.

Difficult times are lessons and we all have them. If you say you don’t then you deceive yourself. Denial is also a hard thing to get past once you start thinking along those lines. First step to change is to come to terms with the fact you actually need to change. It is hard to change if you see no problem.

I sometimes think deeper than I do on other days. I am just learning things in my life as you are. I have maybe been places in my life that you haven’t but that is okay. Just means I can help where others may not be able to or perhaps give advice towards a certain situation that maybe others can’t. Just like you, you have something to offer another person, all of us do.

I write all this to say that I am not to be the sole person another would listen to, because second opinions always are beneficial. One advice might not be the best but with two you can compare and take the best options. I love writing, I love sharing and if you have something to say, please comment. I love reading comments and if you want to share, please do.

This is just what was on my mind this day.

Difficult= makes you stronger and wiser.

My Poem

Mind and Soul’s Release..

For today breath a little
Take time, your heart can be brittle
Unkind words will soon fade
Just like our bodies often  cast a shade
Things worth it are many
They won’t be announced like in the Grammys
Nice thoughts are like pillows for your heart
Doesn’t matter if you don’t make the first start
Patience will come to you
Just in time, it will ensue
Helping you to heal…
To feel
Making realizations forefront in your mind
Directing you like a stick does for the blind
In time you will grow
If not by making errors, maybe in your heart it will show.
Fly with problems, as well as in peace
It’s your mind and your soul’s release.
MwsR❤