My Thanksgiving wish has nothing to do with all the yummy food. Except that those who are hungry, that they will have some. My Thanksgiving wish has to do with all that we have around us, either in our hearts or in our presence. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time t o make memories with our loved ones and friends. It can also be terrible for those that are financially hurting or those families that bicker and fight. It can be hard trying to move on and look past mistakes and grievances but we all should try. No family is perfect, no matter how many lovely pictures and things they try to display or post about. No one family has it all together. There will be times that you dislike each other or maybe that you just don’t connect on the same basis. That is okay. I know with my family we have had our moments. The hardest thing to remember is, we are only humans. God did not make us divine or spotless, or even flawless. He made us each with our quirks. He inspired us though to be better than we can and to keep reaching to help others and understand others and love each other. Some people are missing from around our tables this year. Some may never have the chance to sit at our tables. Whatever it is know that you too are not alone. As for my house, we miss those we can not see again, or talk to during this season especially. I miss that I will never get to spend a Thanksgiving with my birth mom, except once. I miss my father-in-law and the company he frequented us with. There is my half-sister who is in jail, again, that won’t have a good Thanksgiving. I miss times in my life when I felt connected to each one I love. My Thanksgiving wish is that all of us look around and truly, TRULY, be happy for all we have. That maybe we can in turn help someone else who might need help and comforting. We all know someone! Holidays can be brutal, they can also be a time to reflect and be THANKFUL. I choose to be THANKFUL and pray for those who need courage or resources or whatever it may be to make it through another Holiday Season. If you have managed to sit through this post I am thankful for that too. Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving!
You held the power once, The very thing I needed you could not give me. The power you had was something nightmares were written about. It’s like you were possessed, definitely obsessed.
The effort you put into being a bad person should have clued you in… I was absolutely scared of you back then.
Each weekend went the same You were out to assert your will. I was an unwilling participant, but it did not matter. The hurt, the doubt, you cast my way, it crippled me. It showed me how in my adult world, not to be.
The effort you put into being a bad person should have clued you in… I used to be scared of you back then.
Now it seems life has reinvented itself for me. I am loved by some and that seems to keep me above the pull of your memories. I receive the love I dreamed of, to have from you back then. Stronger, I am. Hurt, I’ll always have.
The effort took for me to be a good person, now, should clue you in… I am not scared of you anymore, but perhaps you are the scared one, now.
I appreciate the food, the things I was given I want to think you for the love that you did give. Some memories were good, I will always remember. I won’t forget the good food we had at dinner. All the time I lived with you was not bad or terrible or sad There were moments throughout it I was especially glad. I loved the smell of your pillowcases or gowns, The ones I would dress up in and prance around. I loved the color you let me pick out for my room And you’re sending me to a good school that taught the golden rule. It was good to live near a creek where I often played And brought home all those bags of clay. I enjoyed the swing set you bought for me I thought of it as a castle, among other things. I enjoyed going to church and being with friends If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have been. I remember playing with your hair and acting like a beautician Rubbing your back and feeling important. I wish things had not changed as I grew older, Between us…but it did. I long for the peaceful times I had as a kid. It was not all bad but it changed I wish somehow things had not been so deranged. So for all the joy, the part I had I want to say Thank you, and for the bad. It made me different, gave me a new perspective A new outlook, and helped me to save my heart and keep it from being defective. Sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want. Sometimes we have to escape things that on our heart will haunt. I heal by writing, by loving my children. I heal by moving on and keeping on believing. I choose hope over defeat. I want to walk instead of feeling beat Sometimes we have to love people from afar, I just wish it had not been us, because it reminds me of a scar.
Fondly remembering my childhood days, from when I would wander around outside playing, often following a path leading to my backyard creek, I almost get lost in the excitement of it all. I often forget that everything back then was not always great…
Why is it we often deceive ourselves? From my personal experience, I often do it, to keep my spirit from falling down around me. Sometimes, if we face our worst moments, it can be discouraging and often times scarring to our souls. If we don’t have to come to terms with a bad situation, or a bad experience, we can sweep it aside until we are able to deal with it. Is this wrong? Shouldn’t we all try and face our problems, head on and not run from them? Others would say yes, while many of us, say it varies, it changes with each individual situation. Not everything is the same for each of us. We are, after all, individuals from different walks, different cultures, and different places. So with that being said, here is from my perspective.
Childhood, the sights, the new experiences, the excitement and the not so good times. I grew up in a family of five. Mother, Father, Daughter, Me, and a Brother, and yes, I was a middle child. Yay, me! Not. Being a middle child was anything but pleasant. It seemed I was never old enough to do the big stuff, but yet not young enough to get away with anything. I felt I was always held accountable for what my little brother did. He seemed to be a mischievous one, whose experiments always landed us in trouble, and who got off from punishment, simply by being the youngest. I was always told, “I should of known better.”
My sister was older than me, by eight years. She was busy doing her “older things” most of the time, and I hardly saw her. Between her schooling and her jobs, she kept pretty busy and scarcely at our home. I missed her when she wasn’t around. She was fun to follow and fun to watch. She got to do cool things and she even drove herself to wherever she needed or wanted to go. That was a pretty big deal for me. I dreamt of the day I would follow in her footsteps. But for now, I was the middle one, the one who got hand me down clothes and the one who was too young to follow my sister to events, and yet old enough to watch over my little brother, thus making me responsible for us staying out of trouble. Which I might add, was very unfair. My brother had a mind of his own. Although sometimes it was a fun time, it often finished in my grounding or spanking. Sometimes I swear that was his ploy, to get me into trouble.
This one particular time I remember is when we decided to fish with a rod in the living room. We used an actual fishing rod, my mom had a chandelier hanging down in the living room, and this time, it was tied up in fishing line. I do not know what my brother was thinking. although we both were guilty, we had stood on our living room table and before we both contemplated what would happen next, we had tied a fishing line around our mom’s chandelier. Uh ho! We both were in big trouble. I wish you could imagine what it looked like. A three-tier chandelier, with crystal goblets and crystal tear-shaped jewels, with a clear fishing line twisted in and out through it. It was going to be a long ditch effort to fix this, and guess who would have to? Me! Needless to say, I worked my butt off trying to untangle that fishing rod. Sad to say, my mom walked in about the time I was almost done and she was not happy. I got in trouble and my brother was scolded, I had a belt taken to my butt and an ear full of do’s and don’ts.
Thinking back on it all, I sometimes laugh at the things that often time got me in trouble. Just like this story of the fishing rod. When I remember it, I remember the anger I had at being the only one who received a spanking and yet, I smile because it was a crazy thing for two kids to do while their parents were out. Funny how a situation can be both crazy funny, and yet so unfairly dealt with at the same time. That was not the only time being the middle child made me the scapegoat for my little brother. I guess that is also what happens when you were the “black sheep” of the family.
Mws R Writings 