Category: Thoughts

Can’t Go Back, thoughts

Often times I sit and wonder. I wonder if a person who has been gone for many years can just decide that they want to go back to a place that was familiar, or to people who once were familiar? Or should they want to?

I left a bad situation(I will call it) over 21 years ago. I was speaking to someone yesterday about “home” and what it should mean to someone who has got one. How a person who has people and family in their lives that really care and want them around, and how they should be grateful. This comes from situations that some find themselves, with a want to be back in the life of someone whom you wish you could go to, but sadly, can’t. I came home thinking about this conversation I had with my friend. I was immediately saddened. What in the world? Was I talking to them or myself?

If I am truly honest with myself, I miss my younger life, the one before all the wrong things happened. I miss the family image, of the people I called family and how much I long for the “what if’s”. If I am honest though, that is not my personal reality. I won’t ever have that. I won’t have that nicely packaged beginning to the end story that some have. I won’t get to share my thoughts, my worries, my dreams, my stuff with that “Idealism” family. I have my immediate family now and that is where my attention and the efforts I make, go to. I feel sad for my children, for my dreams of having an extended family so that they could experience that. But you know, it is not my fault. I was the one who was mistreated. I was the one who was given no other choice.

Like many others, I struggle writing about this personal stuff. I am almost afraid of writing it because they might see it, hahaha. Isn’t that a kick in the pants? They removed me, I am afraid of them reading my writing, and all. That is ironic. I need to write to share my experiences with others, it is to help others not feel so alone or isolated. Others need to know that this happens to not just them but others. I think I can help others by sharing.

See the source image

Now don’t get me wrong in that, I had all bad days living with my family. Because I did not. I do have fond memories at various stages in my life. But the hidden truth was the part f me that tried to survive back then, well it created happiness where it could find it. I was the only one who knew what was going on with me, until a certain age, adulthood. I told the person I believed would have my back thru thick and thin, but that was not happening. Not in my case. Perhaps this person had many things to deal with on their own. Maybe they themselves were fighting some of their own demons. I guess they could of even been prisoner to their own choices in life. I was just a mere battle, in their own war. I will never know, I guess.

If someday I can look back without great sorrow, I will, at last, be free. Free of the burden of the “what if’s”, at least I hope. 21 years is a long time. It is a hard life when you question everything from back then. It is hard to imagine how lives that were supposed to have you in the picture, have never even wanted to have you there.

I will focus on my immediate family and so should you if you are in the same “boat”. I implore you to look ahead and not behind you, in a way that affects your now and future.

Please don’t waste your love, your opportunities, your thoughts searching and wondering. Life has a way of giving back what you put forth into it. I know.

Thanks for reading. MwsR

More at a later date.

And I shall see you on this side of the rainbow.

First(s) of my garden…

Hello people! Hot day around where I live. I brought in my harvest for the day.

I have a huge zucchini squash. And some Roma tomatoes. I planted inside my flower bed this year, as well as, in a garden.

The picture above is from my flower bed.

The corner is where I placed my zucchini plants. This picture was before doing that.
This is my tomatoes in the cornerof my flower bed. This picture was when I first started planting them.
The stone’s were made for me by a local lady. Cat heads
Hearts
Clovers….

I love that the veggies have taken off wonderfully amongst the flowers. I had a rather splendid idea. Yay me.

I hope everyone is well and happy. I am going to make zucchini bread, I think.

I shall see you on this side of the rainbow!

Image result for quote about gardening

Thoughts

When were are born into this world our life is but a single thread.
Every day we live adds another thread to our life.
How were live each day determines what that thread is, a strong fiber or a weak fiber. A large thick colorful yard or a thin plan thread.
Every day is weaved together to tell the story of our life.
So at the end of our days will your life be a small plain rag or a large colorful blanket that your loved ones can wrap themselves in and comfort themselves. Knowing that your live was lived for them.

Thoughts…

Like fairytales we believed as children, we often tell ourselves lies to convince ourselves we need to believe them. Often, we are just hopelessly searching for that answer(s) to our many questions. The ones where we are seeking love, approval, hope, and support. This was and still is in many ways, myself. Regardless of our plight in life, or the path we find ourselves on, we often scramble to make meaning of it all. I am not sure we will ever truly find all we seek to find. That does not mean I will give up or in. Neither should you give up.

Our battles, our searches may be different in nature, but we all want desperately to succeed in our personal quests. We all look to someone or something else for all we wish to have or be. It is the way of nature, the way of things. All who search, are not lost. Did you get that? All who seek are not lost! Sometimes, we just want more, want to see how far we can actually go. Other times we are just finding our place in this life. I believe we all have meaning and we all have our own personal gifts that are of use to more than ourselves. We are here, I think to be an instrument, if you will, to someone or something else.

Varying thoughts, I am sure you have. What are your thoughts? How do you know? How can you really be sure what it is you were meant to be? Well as personal as underwear, the reasons are too. No one else can help you find out, no one can possibly know what you, yourself, needs. Quit looking for others to do this! Look inside your thought, your feelings, your desires, and needs. Your answer or at least something leading to the answer is in all that.

Fairytales give us dreams of grand things. Reality takes our dreams and puts a spin of perspective and realism to our fairytales.

Don’t live in the fairytale of life, live in the reality of it. No, it won’t be all good, or even all bad! It will be a true one though. One you can physically feel and in a sense, see. It is okay to dream, to fantasize, as long as you come back to the real world. No, hope is not dead. Hope is real, without it, we would make no head way, no forwards, no start, in life. What would be the purpose, without HOPE.

Hope+ Effort+ Opportunity= Moving Forward

Help yourself, hold onto hope, see things as they really are and could be.

Everything is a reaction of an equal and opposite reaction.Just a few thoughts.

I shall see you on this side of the rainbow!

Michelle/MwsR ❤

Something to think about…

One Year, Wahoo!

Thank you for all your support.

MwsR

Happy Friday Folks!

Hello everybody, I hope you’re doing good. I am glad today’s Friday. I just wanted to touch base and wish everyone a happy weekend.And I shall see you on this side of the rainbow!🌈❤️

MwsR❤️

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A3yCcXgbKrE&autoplay=1

What’s on my mind?…

I have been a busy bee around here. Lots of stuff to keep me busy. I tend to my flowers, my garden, my pets, my grandkids, and my home/ family.

It isn’t too often get to just sit and relax. Sometimes, I really look forward to the actual sitting. My foot has been swelling here lately and I am trying to take it easy on it. Since being a diabetic and learning how important watching our feet and fingers, etc. , is I try extra when I have an issue with them.

I have also been SlOwLy working through editing my poems in order to make another book. This time, I hope to do a super job with spelling and grammar. It is harder than it looks. I have do many poems that I have wrote. I have printed out over hundreds butthatisnotsll of them. I use to post weekly on my personal Facebook. I would try to print them off but never seemed to catch them all. So there are more floating around somewhere.

I first published my poems on Poetry.com. That website closed and I lost some of my amateur poems. I did not have any saved. I wish had of. They were raw and full of improper poetry rythmn but they were true to heart. I have saw that that site sent done of it’s patrons work to another place. I should look into that.

Writing poems, for me, started off as a way of letting my hurt heart heal. I figured that once people started suggesting I write to be published, I thought, ” Why not!” I did not know they could impact people. The one’s who could identify with them because they meant something. That made me smile. I was in a none direct way, helping others.

I have 3 books and 1 kindle book. I wish they had been grammatically and otherwise accurate. They were not. I had a time during trying to publish them. My laptop crashed, my editor program did not catch mistakes, previewing them proved to be a challenge. I could not get it all to work. Still I published them. Some how I managed that. I hopemy next book is awesome. I really do.

I believe to heal one must find ways to let go of our emotions. Mine is definitely music and poetry. I feel more adequate with those expressions, so much more than in verbal expression. I sometimes get tongue-tied when speaking. I had always hated talking in front of a crowd. Singing in front of a crowd never bothered me. I knew my worth, in singing. In speaking I get intimidate a bunch. Poetry writing, well it is natural, like breathing, for me.

So

I just wanted to extend some more about myself, let my readers know me a little better.

I also want my readers to know I appreciate your faithful following and the many times you click ”Like”, and commenting.

Thanks guys! And I shall see you on this side of the rainbow!🌈

MwsR ❤️