Writings,W

20180615_162535 As a writer of the heart and such things, I find that today I am at a loss as to what I should write. I find myself in a void of thought that myself cannot fill. I am just going to start writing and let what comes out spill.

I am the second born in a family with six children. I am one of four girls born to the same mother. I have two brothers born from the same mother, also.

None of us have grew up in the same household except my three younger siblings. Sure, some have been in the same area or home with another, on and off. My mother had six children, four girls and two boys. She has since passed away and in a few short years, I have been able to get to know more of my family and their lives. I searched for many years for the one sister I will refer to as W. She lived an hour and some from me and although we never met aside from our mother’s funeral, we have enjoyed chats here and there on the phone. I just lost my sister W today.

I will not say that any of us are really close, except maybe the three that grew up together. I would like to say that my older sister, the oldest, her and I share the same father and mother. We are just a few years apart in age and we both grew up differently and apart. I love my siblings and it does not matter to me that they and I were not together all our lives. I am the second oldest. In writing that, I feel a sense of obligation to our family, as far as being a support. Although ,I have not mastered that as of this moment, I feel that everything has a purpose and my being the second born definitely gives me one with which I hope to know one day.

It is possible to be from two different worlds and feel a bond, a connection with someone. I am living proof of this. I am an empath and to deny that I care and have strong feelings for others would make me a liar of sorts, to my own identity. It is in my nature to care for others, even those who do not necessarily care about me. I also write this, as not to toot my own horn, but to explain why things bother me on a deeper level than say, most people. Since I can remember, I have struggled to belong somewhere, and know that I was loved. My husband said it best when he said, “You have separation anxieties.” I do, I really do. So perhaps, I cling a little more, hold on a little tighter, and push myself sometimes into others life, that I love and care about. It is a true and most honest thing I just wrote.

I feel like sometimes there is not enough empathy around. People are so selfish by nature and they really don’t mean to be selfish, but come out to others, as just that. People try to preserve their own selves from hurt and pain and they do what comes natural to them and sometimes they end up with a worse than before situation. We all need or want someone’s approval, love, or otherwise. We are not here on this big old planet alone, now are we?

I feel that in writing some about our feelings, or what I am feeling today, I will be more apt to deal with the days following today, when I shall say goodbye for one last time to a sister that was born into my family. A sister that I will miss getting to know better, miss getting to love, and miss getting to help. A sister that by all accounts, is in my heart of hearts, and will be till I myself, die.

I hope she is walking with angels and I hope she is finally the happiest she has ever been. I wish peace for her close and dear loved ones and until the life is over for us all, I hope everyone has a chance to live and be happy.

Until next time, on this here, side of the rainbow, I bid you adieu.

MwsR ❤

 

Intrinsic

 

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Photo by Zaid Abu Taha on Pexels.com

Intrinsic it was for me

To be there with you, you see

Birth made us sisters

Life separated us.

Circumstances created a void

People helped t form a wall

That is the hardest of all.

Why must our hearts be connected in this universe

But it was so hard to find each other?

Unfair, yes

Deceptive our lives became

To us, only

Sadness is part of the intrinsic bond we have

Joy comes I believe to those in search of it.

When our lives are at their end,

Things work to bring us, back together, to mend.

Intrinsic our relationship, yet complicated to say the least.

Intrinsic is what I think of when I think of you and me.

MwsR >3

 

 

 

When Your Heart is Torn, MwsR

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Photo by Studio 7042 on Pexels.com

Here we are. Separate places but together in life.

We are not making memories, instead we find ourselves wishing.

Your life is coming to an end,

I cannot stand knowing it is.

I just want to make your life, your whole life better than it was, is.

I want to take away all your hurts.

Crazy how we came from the same mother,

Yet we do not really know one another.

We both have had things tied to our necks all of our life,

Some intentionally placed and other things our hurt hearts invent

We drifted in life, yet life is drawing us back together.

I hear your heart, almost like I knew you well.

I know you are scared

I am too.

Waiting on this life to end is so scary.

Either in your own experience or in knowing someone you know, facing it.

It seems what grips at your heart, also helps to keep it going.

What takes a loved one from you, brings you almost closer than in life.

I know that tomorrow is not promised , not even for me.

I fret to think yours is ending , why does that have to be.

In a few years of our life, we met once, talked some, yet

Oh sis, I am so broken as to how to help you, when I am lost.

I do not know what I will do, knowing that things change so harshly.

I feel stuck in this void of us.

I will try to love you in the end of days the best I can.

 

 

Tyranny, poem by MwsR

 

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Tyranny comes to mind, when I think of you

I know I probably should try to avoid thinking that way

But with you around and in facets of my life it is something I can say.

If I try to work out for myself, a way

You try to beat me to it, always

If I try to start something first,

You would think your insides were going to burst.

Always, no matter what

You want me to be in second not the first spot.

Always trying to appear the one with a heart

The one that is in emotions over her head, the first to start.

I have been the one in the shadows trying to actually be the “cart”

The one who can carry the others, you see

Not just concerned about “little Ole me”

This is such a terrible spot I find myself in

One where tyranny runs rampant with you

One where you are the only one who ever gets the blues

Where all in your world better pay attention and grovel at your feet

Because, for  an unknown reason, out of all of us, you are one who is “sweet”

Hardly, not true, and deceitful you are.

Feeding on the affection of others, who have their share of scars.

Gosh, if I could make you appear as you really are,

You would be alone in your tyranny of other’s hearts.

 

Poem

Ice

Cold, wet, and dry

Are the tears that I cry.

Of no use

Really just a tease

I would prefer to have a constant sneeze.

MwsR ❤

Poem

You

When your love carries me through another day

It is in you I find things that help me

Like your encouragement and love

You are definitely given to me, from above.

If when I am  down you comfort me

I know there are so many other reasons

But none can compare

To just you being totally “there”.

I adore your shortcomings

And the smile you give me

If I went on just your feelings of me alone

I would never ever moan.

You came into my life when my world was changing

I was like a lost puppy and could not find a safe place

I looked over my shoulder and there you appeared

I do not deserve you, but you are my love, my dear.

I have failed you in oh so many ways

But faithful and strong you have remained.

You are the sun in my dimmest sky

My reason to go onward, my reason to fly.

I hope you know what joy you have given me

For all eternity , even if for but a day

I hope I have given you a fraction of my love, in any way.

MwsR ❤

Christmas Poem Share/Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Three Kings

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s poem, The Three Kings (1878) is a beautiful traditional poem for the holidays. Featured illustration, “The Adoration of the Magi” by Bartolome Esteban Murillo. You might also enjoy Longfellow’s poem, Christmas Bells, also very festive for the holidays.


An illustration for the story The Three Kings by the author Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Adoration of the Magi by Bartolome Esteban Murillo
    Three Kings came riding from far away,
        Melchior and Gaspar and Baltasar;
    Three Wise Men out of the East were they,
    And they travelled by night and they slept by day,
        For their guide was a beautiful, wonderful star.

    The star was so beautiful, large, and clear,
        That all the other stars of the sky
    Became a white mist in the atmosphere,
    And by this they knew that the coming was near
        Of the Prince foretold in the prophecy.

    Three caskets they bore on their saddle-bows,
        Three caskets of gold with golden keys;
    Their robes were of crimson silk with rows
    Of bells and pomegranates and furbelows,
        Their turbans like blossoming almond-trees.

    And so the Three Kings rode into the West,
        Through the dusk of night, over hill and dell,
    And sometimes they nodded with beard on breast
    And sometimes talked, as they paused to rest,
        With the people they met at some wayside well.

    "Of the child that is born," said Baltasar,
        "Good people, I pray you, tell us the news;
    For we in the East have seen his star,
    And have ridden fast, and have ridden far,
        To find and worship the King of the Jews."

    And the people answered, "You ask in vain;
        We know of no king but Herod the Great!"
    They thought the Wise Men were men insane,
    As they spurred their horses across the plain,
        Like riders in haste, and who cannot wait.

    And when they came to Jerusalem,
        Herod the Great, who had heard this thing,
    Sent for the Wise Men and questioned them;
    And said, "Go down unto Bethlehem,
        And bring me tidings of this new king."

    So they rode away; and the star stood still,
        The only one in the gray of morn
    Yes, it stopped, it stood still of its own free will,
    Right over Bethlehem on the hill,
        The city of David where Christ was born.

    And the Three Kings rode through the gate and the guard,
        Through the silent street, till their horses turned
    And neighed as they entered the great inn-yard;
    But the windows were closed, and the doors were barred,
        And only a light in the stable burned.

    And cradled there in the scented hay,
        In the air made sweet by the breath of kine,
    The little child in the manger lay,
    The child, that would be king one day
        Of a kingdom not human but divine.

    His mother Mary of Nazareth
        Sat watching beside his place of rest,
    Watching the even flow of his breath,
    For the joy of life and the terror of death
        Were mingled together in her breast.

    They laid their offerings at his feet:
        The gold was their tribute to a King,
    The frankincense, with its odor sweet,
    Was for the Priest, the Paraclete,
        The myrrh for the body's burying.

    And the mother wondered and bowed her head,
        And sat as still as a statue of stone;
    Her heart was troubled yet comforted,
    Remembering what the Angel had said
        Of an endless reign and of David's throne.

    Then the Kings rode out of the city gate,
        With a clatter of hoofs in proud array;
    But they went not back to Herod the Great,
    For they knew his malice and feared his hate,
        And returned to their homes by another way.

Consider reading, The Gift of the Magi to accompany this poem. You might also enjoy H.P. Lovecraft’s Christmastide. Also, check out our selection of Christmas Stories.

 

Poem

To feel no love

Not anywhere

To Wish you were here

And not over there

Some things I guess or not meant to happen

Sometimes a gift isn’t worth wrapping

This is what I learned from you

And I totally blame you for not being true blue

For years I blamed myself

But I found that way years ago and put it on some make-believe shelf.