Category: Thoughts

Writing, babbling, about Love!

 

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Inside all of us is the need to be loved or appreciated. It is true, you know. We all need it it gives us a connection, some type of place to belong.

I feel really sad for those who have never heard, “I love you”. Those who crave it yet never get their fill. Love can be complicated and it most certainly can make fools of us all too. It is in touch, feeling, sense and sensations. It is wide or narrow, it can stretch enough to go around to each individual in our world.

What is so hard about saying “I love you?” I think that is different for every situation. Why can a mother carry a child for nine months and then give birth and how can she not feel love for that child? What about the kid who never has been hugged? That in my book is simply atrocious. It should never be.

Complicated love, twisted love, one-sided love, mistaken love, these are just some examples of the kinds of love. You also have true love, sincere love, honest love, devoted love and forever love. I would much rather have the latter group. Wouldn’t you?

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Heck, I don’t know why I decided to write about love, and connection and a place to belong. Probably chalk it up to some rantings of  person who thinks love is a key to almost all things worth experiencing or feeling. It can change people’s lives and melt the coldest heart. I have seen love take a person who almost ended their own life, and helped them become whole again. Love is so magical and so strong.

Living is not worth a darn if you have no love in it. It could be as simple as loving a pet, a  place, or a thing. It does not necessarily have to be two people to have love. I have loved many pets, things and stuff in my life as I know you have to.

If you have never been told, “I love you”, I am deeply sorry. If you have never known real love, unconditional love, I am heartbroken for you. Allow yourself to know love, to feel love, to give love and receive it.

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Love ❤

You can have faith, hope, and love, as Jesus said, but the greatest of these is LOVE.

Let’s go out there and love , PEOPLE!

MwsR ❤

 

The Letter I Have Never Wrote /Personal Thoughts

 

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hi, hope you are well.

How do I even begin, the words still escape me. Although this has weighed heavy on my heart and occupied my dreams. I know in life we take the good and the bad. We give or either we take. I guess I am a giver, a bona fide giver.

Now that isn’t saying that I am not a taker. Sure I am. For years I took what was left after you gave others what they needed. I took because I did not know I deserved more. I felt like I was just a speck on your radar, not much to see, really. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted you to love me for me. All the nice staged words did not hide the animosity in your eyes. I saw it on many occasions. I saw how you thought I was a leech, just taking your money and your things, but you never saw how much they meant to me. You did not want to see that where those things were, I felt you that meant you cared.

I admit I was not the best of the best when it came to making you proud. I did however not follow a crowd. I was my own person, free in spirit and full of life. I tried to impress you more than depress you. I failed, I admit. You lost that sparkle that comes with genuine love for me, when I reached my teens. You only saw my failures and my childish dreams as a burden.

You never took the time to see me hurting.

Those nights I prayed for thunder and lightning to answer my questions. Those nights when I was bound so tight in my covers that I literally looked froze. I was trying to hide and stay safe also. You did not ever really sit me down to talk. You never explained your thoughts on what I was doing and why. I think you turned a blind eye. See I had music to lighten my heavy heart, you could not even let me listen to it. You thought it was the tool of the devil. I knew it was my saving grace.

I was not a talkative sort. I kept my questions to myself. I never harmed anyone or anything else. I loved every creature, and loved all my things, I was very appreciative. You always made me feel guilty for messing up. You made me so nervous, I would hate coming home. I knew you were looking at every mistake, it would have been better if I had died from a stake.

I really did not intend to blame you for anything I did in error. I can blame you though for turning that blind eye. Leaving me to deal with adult things all by myself. Leaving me alone when you left the house, you did that intentionally. You did not want to know what it was that was happening to me.

You told me things like it was my fault. Maybe I was dressing the wrong way or wearing the wrong things. It never was your or his fault. It was always mine. I wish I knew the lies you had to tell yourself to believe in what you was doing. I came to you, ask you for help, asked you to be there for me. You refused. Said it would complicate home life. Yep, it sure did, not yours but mine.

Anyhow, what is done is done. What happened was never believed by the one person I thought would believe and support me.Okay, whatever. I think if I could have an honest time alone with you, this is some of what I would say. I don’t know though, because you always had a way of twisting things to your approval.  You were my joy when I was young. I adored everything about you. I wanted to be like you. In my mind there was nothing I wanted more than your approval.

As the many years have left me still wondering and questioning things, one has never been answered to truth. Did you ever really love me? I don’t want no crap, I want to know the truth. Oh you have said you did many times. Well, when we were speaking.

I just guess I will just guess. It is better that way.

I cannot go through another rejection, anyway.

I want you to know that despite all this, I love you. I always will. I cannot be that person you imagined in your mind. I never could.

I hope when you lay down at night, that you think of me, and you are sorry on how things went.

Forever just a second thought,

Me

 

My thoughts/>>>>Let’s Talk About Bullying!!!!

https://americanspcc.org/bullying/statistics-and-information/

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Bullying Statistics

 

160,000 kids per day skips school for fear of being bullied.1

When bystanders intervene, bullying stops within 10 seconds 57% of the time.2

The 3 B’s of Bullying
1.Bullier – 30% of youth admit to bullying
2.Bullied – 1 in 3 students bullied at school
3.Bystander – 70% have witnessed bullying

BEEN BULLIED
28% of U.S. students in grades 6–12 experienced bullying.3
20% of U.S. students in grades 9–12 experienced bullying.4

BULLIED OTHERS
Approximately 30% of young people admit to bullying others in surveys.5

WITNESSED BULLYING
70.6% of young people say they have seen bullying in their schools.6
70.4% of school staff have seen bullying. 62% witnessed bullying two or more times in the last month and 41% witness bullying once a week or more.7
When bystanders intervene, bullying stops within 10 seconds 57% of the time.2

BEEN CYBERBULLIED
6% of students in grades 6–12 experienced cyberbullying.8
16% of high school students (grades 9–12) were electronically bullied in the past year.9
However, 55.2% of LGBT students experienced cyberbullying

Bullying…

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Risk Factor for Bullying

No single factor puts a child at risk of being bullied or bullying others. Bullying can happen anywhere—cities, suburbs, or rural towns. Depending on the environment, some groups, such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered (LGBT) youth,11 youth with disabilities,12 and socially isolated youth, may be at an increased risk of being bullied.

Generally, children who are bullied have one or more of the following risk factors:
•Are perceived as different from their peers, such as being overweight or underweight, wearing glasses or different clothing, being new to a school, or being unable to afford what kids consider “cool”
•Are perceived as weak or unable to defend themselves
•Are depressed, anxious, or have low self-esteem
•Are less popular than others and have few friends
•Do not get along well with others, seen as annoying or provoking, or antagonize others for attention

However, even if a child has these risk factors, it doesn’t mean that they will be bullied.

It has affected someone I love…

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My daughter was a victim of bullying in her middle school years. She was treated really  cruel by her own peers. Her teachers and administrators of her school were not there for her. They did not see her struggling and never saw the bullying that she was subjected to, or so they said.

One of the ways my daughter was bullied was that her bullies took her possessions. Once she had her mp3 taken and her book bag was taken and placed under a running shower in gym class.  Her stuff was soaked and her spirit was damaged. She did not know why she was constantly being bullied, but I as her mom, figured it was because she was a girl who “marched to her own drum”, her beautiful inquisitive self was different from her age group and she was still so young at heart. While her so-called friends were trying makeup on and worrying about their clothes, she was looking for bugs, to explore and still so naively innocent. She did not care for things like that, the things like makeup and fashion, or trying to grow up too fast. All her teachers found her “young at heart” characteristics refreshing.

I think children are always in too much of  a hurry to grow up, and too fast. Children should be children for as long as they can, just my opinion.

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I have never really cared for bullies. I really though can relate to their many reasons for doing so. Sometimes people feel the need to make other people feel inferior to them, because it makes them feel superior. Or perhaps they get bullied at home and that is the only behavior they recognize or that is the only way they relate to people, you know?

I am not by any means saying it is right, because it most certainly is not! It is something that can greatly change a person’s life, I know you have watched television and saw the many suicides from people who have been bullied. Even in cyber space there is a considerable amount of bullying going on. You can find it in workplaces, college, school, homes, and playgrounds. It is everywhere, when someone who wants to be a bully.

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I wish it was something we did not have to worry about. Any parent ho has a child that is somehow different, they worry about this. The person who is obese worries about this! The person who is kind of weird, worries about this!

It affects all walks of humans, all aspects of a person’s life. It almost like a disease, in that the ways it does affect a person.

WHY ME?

If you or someone you love is being bullied or has been bullied then you have to know it is not your fault or theirs. It is simply someone who empowers their own self despite the implications for another or pain it causes another person.

HOW DO YOU STOP BULLIES???…

Well there is no easy answer. It must start in a person’s childhood, in their homes, in their schools, on the playgrounds and in the churches. Adults need to identify and understand how bullying is and what it does. Adults need to be role models and they need to report bullying to the appropriate person’s when they se a child , especially, being affected. The adults need to help somehow. Children cannot speak for themselves a lot of times because they fear for their own self’s. Sometimes the child will become a recluse because they are scared. Getting information from a bullied child is sometimes a “hit and miss” at best.

Workplaces, you should always report it. Ask to remain anonymous. Leave a note on a supervisors desk if you have to.

Parents, don’t let one of your children constantly get picked on. Intervene when and where necessary. Make sure each child does not have a reason to bully.

I am passionate about helping children and adults that are bullied. I have seen it in my own life and in my own family. I do not wish anyone to be a victim of bullying. No matter how different, how much of a weirdo a person might be, we all deserve respect and understanding. We all deserve to be who we want to be, without being bullied.

If you know someone who is being bullied, please try to help them. Children who are bullied can grow up to be bullies themselves.

Let’s stop the cycle!

Thank you for reading! Share post if you want to.

Michelle(MwsR) ❤

Love/thoughts from me

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I  have always thought love was something that had to be shared between the love and loved.. I thought fairy tales were for dreamers. Seems though that is not true. You can love something or someone and never ever really get their love in return. It is possible to dream and for it to come true, and that does not mean it is a fairytale of magical means, but of earthly things.

As a kid I knew that I was a lover of things. I loved my dolls and stuffed animals as if they were real. I loved little bugs, and little leaves from a tree. I also loved objects that I came across, like a rock or a petal. To me anything that was present on this planet was something to love. I often see my little girl self in my adult self today. I do still love and although my love has been battered and broken at times, I still have the capacity to really love.

You can actually find me outside looking at birds with admiration, perhaps bending down to talk with a bug. If you are really sneaky you would see me talking to trees or the wind as it blows. I am not crazy, just I really love.  Love has never been limited to people for me. I love all my animals I keep as my pets. I love little bees that fly from flower top to flower top. I love the feel of a soft blanket on my feet, these are things I love and they are like a special treat.

Human love I have is so much of the other love I have. I see myself going out of my way to make another in my life feel okay. I find myself trying to put myself last, just so someone I love can have it better than me. That is just one way i love those around me. For me to love a human, I need to feel free to, if it is pushed on me, it will not last. I get burdened down and my love will not last. It needs to be selfless , the way that I love.

The hard part of love for me is loving myself. I am my own self’s worst critic. I do not really know how to love every part of me, I only wish I could. I find the hardest thing is letting someone else love me too. I am not good at that at all. Sadly I know that it is best to learn to love all of me before I can really ever truly love another, but I argue that as best I can. I think you can love another without really ever truly loving yourself. I have done it my whole lifetime. To me loving another thing or person is way easier than loving me.

Sure, there are things I love about myself. I love how I love, lol. I love how much I continue to believe and hope in things even when they have let me down. I love how caring and kind I can be to others that might not give a darn about me. I love how my eyes are, my skin, my freckles, and my smile. There are lots I have to give, lots I bring to the table. I am who I am because of the lack of love I received and the amount of love I was given. It took a whole lot to come up with me, I am sure. Lol

If there is one thing in this world I would want for anyone, anything, it would be LOVE.

Is love not good? It is strong, it is uplifting. Love is kind and forgiving. Love is wonderful and our greatest hurt. Love is what we make of it and what we give. I just love talking about love. If we have faith, hope and love, the greatest will always be love.

Love ❤

Thanks for reading!

MwsR<3

 

Thoughts/MOM

 

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I remember that first day, when I heard that you were not doing well. I thought in my mind at that time that this was just a set back, possible short-term, but that you would get through it all. You was having to go on Dialysis and was told that your kidneys were hardly functioning like they should. Honestly I did not know much about that sort of treatment, just what I knew from transporting my client to their on weekly dialysis treatments,

I was a driver that took clients to where they needed to go, usually all of the many trips was to pick up someone and take them to their health appointments or medical needs appointments. I had several patients who went through Dialysis several times a week. Each time I dropped them off, I wondered about how they each must feel knowing that their kidneys were failing them. Being a diabetic I often think on those type of things for myself, like if something were to happen to my own kidneys, and such.

Now here I was hearing that my own biological mother was very sick and that she needed to do dialysis to continue living. her prognosis was very bad. They had told her that she needed a new kidney and that without one she would probably not survive for long. The dialysis was to sustain her enough to live, and filter all the bad things from her bladder. I was in sort of shock. I was worried for her and yet all I did was think about myself and how my life would be impacted without her in it.

Here she was my own mother and we had yet to build a life together. Everything was hanging in the balance and we looked like we would end before even really beginning, I know I should have thought  more about her and what she was going through the most, but that selfish me was trying to compartmentalized things. I think all of us are that way when faced with losing someone. We all wonder how our life will be after they are gone, if they die. We all want to cling onto things we maybe hadn’t done before or we want to say things to them that would ease our own minds.

I was that way to a certain extent.

My biological mom was not alone, she had her husband there with her, thank goodness. I think her having to do that without someone there would have been so scary for her, for anyone. She had 6 children and out of them I was the next to oldest. A part of me feared what role I would have to take, if any, should she not make it. Crazy how things like that run through your head. You know? I really should have kept hope before fear.

She pulled through the harsh dialysis treatments, she was a trooper. her husband told me it took almost all of her energy after doing one treatment. he said she was so tired and all she wanted to do was rest. I can see that. My clients after I picked them up from their treatments, were paler and quieter, and each one they endured, changed them in subtle ways. you could see from week to week how different it made them. It was hard to see, and even harder for me to know it was my mom going through that to.

My mom was not a diabetic like me, I guess it was just the luck of the draw that her kidneys stopped working for her. Maybe she didn’t know how to properly care for herself, by possibly not drinking enough water or eliminating quickly when she felt the urge to urinate. I had heard those things are necessary for over all kidney health. Maybe that was it. Who knows.

All I knew was that a person, my mom, was deathly sick and I wanted her to get better and be around so we could finally make a life together.

Needless to say my mom is not here anymore. I cannot say that dialysis shortened her life, but my own hunch says it did. She never fully recovered from those type of treatments. She had the valve in her arm that provided quick access to her veins etc for quick dialysis treatment. Her weight started dropping, her features started to change and her hair was more grey. It was hard watching that,

My fear that she would not be around long came true before she died I mailed her a letter, a big letter. I wanted to say somethings, express some things and let her know how I really felt about her. She had given me up to be adopted, and there was a lot of history there. I needed her to know that I had no hard feelings towards her, and that I loved her, that God loved her too. I told her how much she was thought of and how often I had dreamed of her. Things I should have got to say to her long before then.

Circumstances kept us apart. Things got in our way, as they often do. I made peace long ago, and wanted to give it to her too.

Don’t wait to let someone know your heart. Don’t be afraid to tell them what you want to. Life can go as quickly as it can come. It is not here forever. Show the people in your life, while you can, how much they mean to you. If there is someone you need to forgive, forgive them. Don’t hold onto things that cry so desperately to be set free.

MwsR ❤

Thanks for reading!

 

 

Thoughts/Garden

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hi Ya!

I have been trying to grow things this summer. I have myself a garden that has produced for me lots of tomatoes, some squash, some peppers, a couple of zuchinnis, and some watermelons.

This is the first year I have so many watermelon vines covering my old compose pile. I would have to say that they love it a lot. We use to put our scraps in that compose and I believe the watermelons loved it.

I have made my own tomato sauce from some of the tomatoes we have had. They taste so good coming from the garden and not being enhanced in a place , for quicker sales. tomatoes carry a lot of good benefits for you and it is one of my favorite vegetables.

I have tried to grow cucumbers this year, as years past and for some reason a little critter has decided to mane them and keep them from growing into the lovely cucmbers I need and love. I have put crushed egg shells around the base of each plant and tried to enclose them in a wired fence, but some how the critter, probably a ground-hog, repeatedly chomps the vines till they are nothing but flowering useless vines. They are producing no cucumbers at all but having those yellow flowers all over them. Ugh!

I wish no critter any harm but I really could have used some cucumbers this summer. Usually I have so many I cannot keep up with them. Maybe next year!

My garden gives me satisfaction and provides my family with healthy choices to eat. I love it. I am not a big fan of vegetables but here in my garden I can put in those that I do like. It is self-sustaining for the most part, just needs a little weeding every now and then. This year I used that weed paper, it keeps weeds from growing and it is marvelous. I have had very little to hardly none.

If you have never tried to grow a garden, you should try it. It is great when you see what your hands and the earth have created. You can also do pots instead of garden plots. I have a couple of things in pots to. Pots make it easy access and you can put them on your deck for convenience. Tomatoes are great in pots.

Happy Gardening!

MwsR ❤

 

 

Personal Note/Page Note

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Just a hello! A quick post…

I appreciate all the followers, readers of my blog, etc.

Thank you all.

Check my site for quotes, personal pictures, stories, challenges, recipes, and my favorite stuff…POETRY.

Hope everyone is well.

Blessed be,

MwsR

Somewhere Over In Dumb-bo ville

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Photo by Omkar Patyane on Pexels.com

Everywhere you can look there is things in our country that can make you think, “wow”. I am not sure why I used the title I did for this, but it could be because i wanted to talk about a few things that are dumb.

For instance…

More technology for one. Are we not already full up to our necks with technology? For instance, the other day I visited a local store. I saw the strangest thing. I came upon an oven that has a LED panel in the oven door. Now i am just like any other person I like to be informed and have up to the date things and what not, but come on! Do we need a LED screen in our oven? I am sure you have seen the refrigerators with the screens that interact with your mobile phones, computers or laptops. That I thought was a little too much and now I see an oven with a LED screen. My first thought was, “yes, let’s make a hot, dangerous oven appealing to toddlers!” Are you getting me here? What makes a person want to have a “tv” on their oven door???

I am just all struck by that.

Another thing…

These devices that listen in to your homes and cars that have them now, how much privacy do you really think you have? I would say not much. My question would be , ” What does somebody know about you?” from these devices. Not to mention can they access cameras and safety cameras to look on in your private space? Think about it!

Personally, it is kind of creepy thinking that some device knows me like that! Better yet can turn on things, turn them off, and can view what I do inside my own home.

Okay so you like technology, you like being up on the techno ladder, but how much are you freely giving away to someone you don’t know? Also, how safe do you like your home, your belongings, what you do behind closed doors, better yet, your children’s safety? Well let me tell you, it comes at a cost you may not yet realize. I guess you will have to decide what you are willing to give up or willing to take to become high on the techno ladder.

Welcome to SOMEWHERE OVER DUMB-bo ville.

I am not trying to put off on anyone who has these gadgets or things, just trying to give you something to think about. Please accept my apologies if you live in Dumbo-bo ville.

No offense given.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading!

MwsR