Tag: Blue

Blue…(Church Camp) story continues

photo of bonfire
Photo by rasik on Pexels.com

“Today was going to be a good day”, she said to herself.

She always looked forward to summer, because in the summertime she actually got to go to her church ‘s camp for a whole week. Her church was an Evangelical Methodist and she was growing up in that little small town church. Everyone there knew everyone else and it was not formal but a casual place and where a kid had all kinds of things going for them. They had youth rallies and contests and competition between the other churches in that religious group. Churches span from her small town to another state or two. Her church camp was in Danville, Virginia. The name of the place where this camp was called “Indian Cave Camp”. There were caves there, to explore. There was also a fishing pond, a swimming pool, a place to play table hockey and pool and do crafts. They allowed the kids that attended this camp to write their families during this week away from home,and they would mail those letters for the kids. There was a canteen with which each kid needed snack or spending money for. It was a place where kids could come learn about God and enjoy life , just for a small while. Well, that was the intended purpose, at least.

Blue went here to enjoy camp life and make new friends, revisit her old pals and to escape the pressures of her home life.  She really wanted a place to feel safe and for her, this camp was a limited safe place. She used the time away from her family to seek out what Jesus was telling her to do in her life and heart. She really looked to him for advice during those years when her life was hectic and sometimes scary and a whole lot crazy.

No one at this camp knew her home life and she liked that. She did not feel that she needed to share that with anyone, and she really just wanted to be normal. After years of going to this camp, she felt a sense of belonging and she loved it there. She loved it there not because of the many things to do or the many ways of fun the counselors could come up with, she truly enjoy being safe and cared for in that healthy way. At home Blue did not get that. She felt odd in her own place, she felt weird, like she never was normal.

Here was Blue on the bus, her things packed and her money was in her pocket. Oh! this was the day she had waited for, finally leaving for camp.

First thing Blue did when she got to camp was find her cabin she was assigned and then pick out her bunk and her bed. She never liked being on the bottom bunk because she worried about spiders and bugs finding her. Also, if you were the bottom bunk your bed always got dirty from the top bunk person whenever they wanted on their bed. It was just the simple things that added to the experience of camp for her. The only thing she dreaded about camp was getting into the shower house and having to take a shower around everyone, even those people from another church, that she did not even know. She was very much shy and would not undress in front of anyone and always stayed private about stuff like that. Some thought she was strange being like that , but she did have modesty and had no desire to be flamboyant or noticed.

Her favorite thing about camp was always going to the game hall and playing games and making crafts. She was not very good with crafts, but it was still fun for her, she loved having stuff to take back home with her. She also loved doing the Bible drills that the camp leaders had. They would call out a verse in the Bible and she would have a limited amount of time to find it, and there would be others trying to beat her in finding the verses. The winner would go on to compete against the winners past and would get a gift for winning. Sometimes, it would be a free swim in the pool, which was always fun because that was usually done after dark. Cool, right? Who doesn’t love swimming in the dark?

She also loved the night time with its bonfires. They would sing songs around the fire and talk about things going on in the camp and talk about Jesus, God, etc. Sometimes they would throw open a bag of marshmallows and roast them. Yum, that was the best. She had always loved watching fires since she could first remember. She was scared of them but at the same time she loved their power. She would often watch the fireplace with wood burning in it, back home.

Exploring the camp’s caves was really cool and she loved doing that. She would take a group with her sometimes and lead them through the cave, all the while telling the various versions of tall tales that circulated around them. Sometimes she even spooked her own self. It was neat though and despite the fact that they had crickets and bats in them, she enjoyed it immensely.

There would be a banquet on the last night of camp. This was when a king and queen of the camp would be appointed. All the campers voted on who it should be, She was queen one time herself. She loved going to this special last night because you got to dress up and go with your boyfriend or a person of your choice. It was almost like a prom but in a more toned down manner. She loved all the decorations and the music and the hoopla of it all.

She was noticed and acknowledged by name from almost everyone at camp. This made her feel special. You could see on the new kids faces the envy  they had of her being well-known. She always went out her way to be nice, polite, friendly, and helpful. This made the counselors notice her. She was not very talkative but that was okay. Sometimes at night, when the lights were turned out in her cabin, for the night, she would say a pray for those kids that she knew had come from a hard home life and those she knew that were hurting. She knew how hard it was for some of them, most of them came to the camp without concession stand money, and some had hardly enough clothes to wear something clean daily. She would share her things and her food and sometime her money for those less fortunate. In her heart, she felt like it was what God wanted her to do.

One night during camp, the preacher was standing near the pool and asked if there was anyone who needed to be baptized. She listened carefully to the way in going about this. She had felt in her heart a little tug, as to be baptized but she felt she was not worthy to be. She felt inside there must have been something wrong with her, since she had such a troubled life. She often took the responsibility for the way she was treated, to mean that she did not deserve anything better than what she was given. It was hard, especially in trying to decide what it was that God was telling her. She still listened though. On this one particular night she witnessed her friends and others jumping into that pool, in front of everyone and even in their own clothes, and asking to be baptized. What was it that they had that she didn’t? She did not know but that wouldn’t stop her from trying to find out. She did not go forward that night, but that night weighed heavily on her heart.

The time had come to end this week at camp and she sadly had to say goodbye to her new friends, her old friends, and her counselors. She always hated leaving, she hated the fact that she had to go back home. She hated that she would have to go back to being Blue, in a house full of disdain and back to living with secrets that no one knew, or if they did, they did not say so.

She thought of this way…

Life was not like fairy tales, it did not always have a happy ending. It wasn’t about a person coming in to save her, and take her away from it all. It was about the fact that she would live day-to-day, moment by moment until she just couldn’t no more. Her faith in God, kept her from running away and it kept her believing  that there still was hope. As far as living in her home with her parents and her siblings, well, less just say she needed a miracle to endure it and miracles only come true if you believe in them.

To be continued…

MwsR <3

 

 

Thank you for reading 🙂

Advertisements
1 Comment

Categories: Writings

Tags:

More from Blue…short story

photography of person peeking
Photo by Noelle Otto on Pexels.com

The anticipation was so great this day, unlike most days where Blue lived. There was so much attention being given to the house. Dusting, mopping, vacuuming was having to be done. She was only 7 but  she was vacuuming the living room, while trying to over hear what the adults were fussing about.

There was something going on today that had been a long time coming. Her father’s dad was coming. He was her grandfather and for the first time that she could remember she was going to actually get to see and meet him. Blue was so thrilled she could hardly contain her emotions of happiness and thrill. So why were her parents fussing and bickering all morning?

It was nothing unusual to hear them argue or fuss or even to see her father raise his hands to her mom. Today though should be a time for being happy not fussing or fighting with each other. After she got down cleaning her room she tried to ease drop and listen to what was being fussed about. She finally knew what it was. She heard her father state that he hated his dad and that he wished him dead. He also said that he would not go to his funeral if he ever did die.

What in the world was he saying that for? Blue thought that being a family meant that everyone accepted and loved everyone else. Little by little though in her short life she was learning that adults did not get along with each other and that apparently they could never really love anyone. It was a shame that Blue learned this at a young age but she did.  You know how kids think their world is so magical and great? Well, no matter how much Blue wanted to believe that , the adults in her life taught her so much of that was not true.

After lunch Blue was sitting on the couch awaiting her grandfather’s arrival. She had heard her mother tell her sister that he would come after lunch some time. She heard a knock on the door and immediately she knew it was him. Her father went into the back bedroom and shut the door. She thought how odd that was but she was so excited she gave that very little thought. When her mother answered the door, there was this tall man standing in the doorway. He said. “Hello, I am your father in law”. My mother acted as if she was nervous and she said ,”Hello, nice to finally meet you.”  Blue knew this had to be the first time he had seen her mother, how weird, she thought to herself.

Her mother asked him to have a seat at the table in the kitchen and then offered him some coffee, he gladly accepted. He saw Blue peering in  the kitchen and he motioned for her to come see him. Blue cautiously waked into the kitchen and hopped on his lap. She really was observing every little detail about him. She felt so happy at that moment. She noticed he had a finger missing. She rudely asked him why he had no finger. Her mother scolded her and explained that was not nice asking people such a personal thing. He told her mother and her that it was okay. He also said that when he was young he lit a firecracker in his hand and not knowing much about t, it went off in his hand. Blue was surprised at that answer. He mother explained that that was why you don’t touch things like that. He chuckled and said, “Yes I did some crazy things in my young life.”

Blue was thoroughly enjoying her time with her grandfather, but her father had not come out of his room the whole time. She started to tell her grandfather that her father was there, when her mother motioned for her to be quite. How odd she thought, after all it was her father’s own dad. Once again for Blue she was not able to understand this whole situation but she tried to focus on her grandfather while she could. He explained that he wanted to tell us he was moving and had come to say goodbye and let us know. Blue suddenly became very sad. She told him she did not want him to go, he exclaimed that he knew his son did not want to see him so he had better get going and that he was happy to had met her, and one day he said maybe she could visit him. Blue told him she very much wanted to. Her mother walked him to the door and told him goodbye and thanked him for coming. Blue and her sister waved goodbye to him through the screen door until he got out of sight.

Blue wondered in her mind if she was ever going to see him again. She never did. She always cherish in her mind that one day she met him. Although she did not know why her father did not like him, she thought he was special. His few hours spent there seemed liked a short time, but that did not make them any less special to her. Once she got the courage to ask her father why he did not love his dad or want to see him, and he told her” That man is not my dad, he is a mean SOB, and I hate him.” What a message to convey to a small child about someone who she called grandfather.

Just goes to show you that adults don’t ever try to change, she thought to herself. Blue just did not want to ever grow up to be like that, and she determined in her mind that regardless of circumstances she would not.

 

 

MwsR <3

Thank you for reading 🙂

Blue/Another short story

BLUE

Here was Blue, brown headed and blue eyed, the whole world to her seemed anything but what she had seen on the television screen. She was still very much naive but her opinions of things had been shaped widely from those in her immediate family or her inner circle.

She never really understood that if you loved someone why did you hurt them so. She had seen this so much at home. Her father was not the nicest man when it came to running his house. He yelled and slammed things when he got frustrated and he let anyone who did not do what he want, know how he felt. This usually involved hitting his wife, her mother.

For years Blue spent times in her room listening to all the commotion from her angry father towards her mother. She tried to close her ears but she never could fully enough to feel safe. She often wondered when his anger would turn against her. When was the day he came after her going to happen? She lived constantly fearing that. She also wondered how her much older sister could just sit in her room and let him do these things towards their mother. Why didn’t she step in and fight him? All she could surmise was that she was scared like her.

The things that set him off were things like , his supper not being made on time, bills or spending his money, and sometimes just looking at him wrong would light that anger flame. He was very irrational at times, almost trying to find a control of things that was not his to have and that no one was going to really submit to. Her mother tried to talk him down out of his anger fits, but she never was successful. In fact it made her more of a target for his aggression.

If this was love, she thought, then she did not need it or want it. She would just stick to her stuffed animals and her baby dolls for her loyal support and affection. Humans were always so moody anyway. She did wonder what her mother did that angered him so. She would not dare ask her mother, for fear of hurting her mother’s feelings.

Although she was accustomed to shouting and fits, where things were beaten up or destroyed, it was never easy. Here she was a little girl in a big people world, one that was filled with so much anger and fear. To her nothing about her home ever really felt like a safe place, never. She just knew that when she got older her job would be to step in and defend her mother, regardless of the costs to herself. She would do it to. She waited for that day when her father would have to deal with her, instead of picking on her defenseless mother.

That time would come sooner than she expected it to. Her relationship with her father was strained and awkward anyway, and she was going to jump at the chance to change things around there. She was tired of worrying that one day he was going to hurt her mom bad or worse, kill her. If it was the last and best thing she could do, she would and that was to defend her mother against that monster of a man.

MwsR <3

Thank you for reading 🙂

5 Comments

Categories: Writings

Tags:

(Blue) Short version of a long complicated story.

 

autumn fall forest leaves
Photo by Picography on Pexels.com

She always did see things from her skewed perspective. After all ,that is what she had been told since she was just a young thing. Normal was really not a word you would use when describing her. She had a face with freckles and her eyes were blue, matching her inner heart. Her ambitions in life were too simply live a fuller and more loved one then she had before becoming an adult. This is a story of a the Blue Hearted Girl, Blue was her name.

Blue often sat out in the woods not far from her home. The spacious woods were her calm place, her place to pretend and feel safe. She often pretended to be running a motel and the creatures in the woods, all the way down to the bugs she would find, lived there. She enjoyed hearing the birds sing so sweetly to her each and every day she arrived. She thought they actually were singing to her.  This was how her imagination worked. In her pretend world she was loved by all that met her.  She loved this pretend world and that was what she ran to as fast as she could each day.  Her family life was not as enticing as the pretend world and she really felt like a stranger there and she felt left out. in her own home.

Blue often went for a walk to her creek out back of her home. She loved wading in the creek and also gathering clay from the creek bank. There was lots of clay in her creek. She really never made anything significant but it was fun to sit and manipulate that clay into whatever she wished to make.  Once Blue saw a beige snake in her creek, she watched it wiggle free of the creek’s current and crawl the creek bank to dry land. There was lots to see at the creek, She remembers her father telling her that every animal around there comes to that creek when they were thirsty, so she would often just hide along the creek bank and watch with much anticipation as to what came there . That creek, in a lot of ways, taught her about nature.

Blue had a younger brother and an older sister, and she fit right smack in the middle of their ages. She was petite and skinny, while her brother and sister were not. She had really fine , straight hair, and they both had thicker, wavy hair. She had blue eyes, they had the same. That was the closest she came to looking like them. She didn’t care though, she never really concerned herself with all that. Apparently though her brother and sister did not share her lack of interest. They constantly were reminding her of how she did not look like them, and how she kind of did not fit in. That really never bothered her too much either, she just wanted to be happy.

Blue when she was small, would ride her tricycle around the front yard tree and pretend to be in a race against all things. Even the ants that were underfoot had a stake in that pretend race. The tree would encircle was a large tree with skinny limbs all stemming from a large trunk and the blooms on this tree were her favorite color, pink. She loved when the wind would blow and the blooms would fall all around her. She had pink carpet in her room even, she really  loved the color pink. Her tricycle was even pink. It had pink streamers cascading from the handle bars. This tricycle even sported an awesome pink, plastic weaved basket. She was definitely all about pink.

Blue had a swing set, on it was two swing seats, a double seated push swing and a slide, that was metal, and a lift bar swing in the very middle.The slide would be so hot from the sun sometimes that she had to put water on it some to cool it off before sliding on it. This slide was so tall to her though, she often times sat on the top of it imagining that she was looking down at another world. She loved to imagine and pretend.  This swing set was blue, and white. She often would grab the lift bar swing and put herself in it and sit and swing , She never really felt any fear when she did those type of things. Fear really never entered her mind back in the early years of her life.

It was not until she reached her teenage years that things changed a whole lot for her. Life was not as carefree anymore, she was in school and never really had much time to come home and play. She saw her swing set sitting there each day she arrived home from school.  Sadly, she was not allowed to go outside as much as she did when she was younger. Now she had chores and homework and things to do besides pretend. This is around the time her heart began to change.  If she could have stayed little longer she would have because being a teenager proved to be less and less fun.

When most of her friends were going to the skating rink or hanging out at each other’s house she was at her home, doing chores. The first time she was made to vacuum was at the age of 9. now though it seemed her parents wanted her to do more. Sometimes she felt like she was only there for that. She wanted to go outside and ride her  red Murray bike but seldom did she ever get to. She had been given that bike on Christmas for a present and still had not mastered fully riding a bike. Yes, she was a teenager that could not ride a bike. That is because no one helped her, no one gave her time to. All her friends was under the impression though, that she could ride a bike, they would have laughed at her if they knew she couldn’t. So she never told them otherwise. She often made out like her life was as normal as theirs and that she had a good home life, like they imagined her to have had. Unfortunately, it really never was.

Still in her teenage years, where the things in her life became more cumbersome rather than fun, she felt so alone. She knew that life for her friends was so much easier and carefree, why couldn’t hers be? Instead she was left alone with her father each Saturday while her mother bought groceries and went shopping. This time alone was never a good time. She frequently hid in her bedroom or snuck out and went to the woods. This was to get away from her father. he was not like her friends fathers. Her father was different. he made her feel uncomfortable and disgusting. He had affection for her that was not normal. He thought of her in a most wrong way. Why could her father not be normal? She often wondered. She also blamed herself a lot for the way he looked at her, the way he made her feel.

This unnatural attraction was most certainly uncomfortable, to say the least. Blue hated it, and despised the fact that while her friends all wore gowns to sleep in at night, she wore jogging pants and tried to hide herself in her clothes as to not draw attention to the woman she was becoming with her body.  She found herself staying ore and more in her bedroom and locking her door, just to avoid the man she knew as her father. She wanted to runaway many times, start over somewhere else, but she never did. She was destined to live there and she done that the best way she knew how.

What bothered her was the fact that despite the unnatural way her father treated her, her siblings nor her mother seemed to notice. I guess it was not awkward for a mother to come home and see her  teenage daughter sitting on her husbands lap. Maybe the fact that one does not want to admit there is an issue was the reasoning behind all that. Sadly though no one ever noticed or if they did they ignored it.  While her friends were wearing bathing suits and enjoying the tans they got , she was hiding out in her room. She had lived with abnormal for so ling that it felt weird to spend the night with her friends and see the interactions between her friends and their families, especially their fathers. She could never had imagined being that “free” just to be in her home. It was such a different world she had. Her friends thought she was just shy and reserved but she was really trying to protect herself from any other man who would see her in a sexual way; yes, even her friends fathers. She didn’t want to risk it. Her friends never knew.

Once she was out sunbathing, this is before the actual understanding of the actual thought process that her father had concerning her. Her father approached her, he got down in a sitting position by her lawn chair and looked at her from head to toe and told her how beautiful she was. He also said that there was no one that beautiful to him. It was at that moment she felt most uncomfortable and left and went inside, never to sunbathe outside at her home, again, After that moment she knew she needed to hide and hide she did.

Faultless she was, but never knowing that, she blamed her growing up , maturing for the way she was looked at. Not that growing up isn’t hard enough for a kid. She blamed that growing up for her deepest pain. Sometimes she almost wanted things to never change, nothing to change, not even into another day of her life. She blamed herself, blamed her father, and wanted it all to end.  It should not hurt to be her, but it did. Her heart turned blue in those days, years, she had to live there with him. Somehow her heart still managed to continue beating.

Blue always wanted to be loved the way other girls are by their parents. She wanted to cherish her father not fear him. Although she never did anything to deserve the torment she had received she felt somehow in the wrong. What should have been a wonderful loving childhood turned into one like you can not imagine. She preserved parts of her heart in spite of that so she could give it to those that most deserved it. Blue made many more wonderful stories and lives happily with her own family now. She feels blessed to live and she distanced herself from those that wished her harm. That is how she survived.

If only Blue had a chance to create her real world like she had done for her pretend world, she would have created one filled with genuineness. Her pretend world would have had a girl who lived in a beautiful home, one where she could have her unconditional love and be nurtured. There would have been no fear. Life , however cannot be created that way. Wouldn’t it be great, though?

 

 

Thank you for reading 🙂

x
error

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)

error: Content is protected !!
Mws R Writings
%d bloggers like this: