Tag: Feelings

MwsR Writings

?=Unnamed In My Dreams

I had a dream of sorts last night. It was peculiar and hard to read. I did not write it down, but I should have. I seldom talk to anyone about my dreams unless they were particularly disturbing or funny. This one was about coming face to face with my ?. I remember seeing the scruff on his unshaven face, his wrinkles around the ends of his eyes. He had sort of a glow like the sun on his face, yet his face was tilted to look at me sideways. He was smiling a smirk type of smile. He was not saying anything. Which if you knew him in real life was his trade mark. He seldom spoke unless he was talking to someone in the family, or a “have to situation.”

He was the one who truly messed up my life. He willingly tore the trust notion I had inside of myself, out from my body. I would not in a hundred years, want to dream of him. Never. I do not know what this short, yet, the penetrating dream was about. I do not want to interpret it, because it needs to be the farthest from my mind. This dream, if you can call it that, was a dream where SMIRKISM was at its profound meaning. My ?, no doubt, and that terrible smirk. The sun glowing on his face as if he were an angel, comes to mind. Ha, no angel there. No glowing from him ever was shown. Only bitterness and dark.

I hate those moments. The ones where you wake in a tizzy of sorts and find that you had a weird or strange dream. I especially hate the bad dreams and the ones that make you awake with tears in your eyes. Those are most disturbing and chilling. Have you ever had any of those kinds of dreams? I hope you know oyu are not alone, in that I have too. Thank goodness we awake from them.

Anyhow,

Dreams can make us cry, or smile. They are those things, I believe that we suppress, subconsciously. Perhaps a stressor of another time or place, or with another person brought the dream to your forefront. I am not sure. What I do know is those things can serve, like most anything else, as reminders to us. Perhaps they can make us change a road we are going down, such as in health, or relationships. Maybe the dream can help remind us of things that we have not let go of, and should. They are just that, dreams. I like the good dreams, and the ones where I am remembering another time when life was great.

That is what I had on my mind this evening. So, I shall see you on this side of the rainbow…

MwsR

Paper and Pen~poem

Stead firmness can be found

Once,I did stand,on solid ground

Not anymore

My heart cannot find its footing

My feet cannot make a stance

Too much sand and water under them

Life Is full of hardships that have taken a toll

I’ve watched people come

I watched people go

Some of them really hurt me

Some of them I wish had stayed

Is this how my life is supposed to have been played?

Fighting the many who came for my soul

Prayers and dreams kept me afloat

Sometimes, the tide turned me over

I had to swim with everything that was in me

I grabbed at twigs or anything I could find

The twigs were those that listened

The swim was my struggle

The tide was those that took love from me and threw it away

Like in nature, all fight to survive

This has been me, in my life

Sometimes, I fought my own self

Sometimes I ran away

So many things I can remember that I never got to say

But that’s in the past

And I think I’ll leave it in my poems

In my writing, with paper and pen.

I’m sure you’ll hear from me again.

MwsR❤️

Heart

I cannot remember the day I first found you.

I recollect the day with such sadness, but gratefulness

It was when I was told I was adopted.

Life on that day was strange

I remembering feeling like a piece of me was incomplete

Like I was no longer wanted , yet I was.

A whole bunch of feelings and that is when I found you.

I was changed that day.

hanged into someone who would go to wonder on in life

Like a wild animal.

I would not be satisfied till all my questions were answered.

Instead of feeling normal, I now felt like I stuck out.

I learnt what disappointment and rejection was all about.

I talked to you in my own special way

Hope you would save yourself from all this that would come your way

I did not know if I could handle you and my ownself

Hopeless at times I was, but feeling your presence

That brought me some sense of peace.

I knew we were together in this forever

Till death and whatever else there would be.

You have always supported my actions,

Remembered all my dreams

Helped me to be transparent at times

And strong when I needed a boost.

Thank you Heart, even if the feelings were not always the best

You are with me forever, until my final rest.

MwsR ❤

Mine

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Photo by Wendelin Jacober on Pexels.com

The hurt is mine

It grows with each day that is absent of you

I know that it is my burden to bear.

Mine to endure, mine to keep it inside.

I feel sometimes in searching for answers to things, my heart will surely die.

Like a prisoner, I do time for things that I feel.

Things that make me feel like a human, like  “real”

I understand not everything has answers for an ailing mind

But somehow I thought answers I would one day find.

If I had known all my feelings would be swept into a forbidden corner,

One that no one cares about,

One that separates me from others for life…

To get inside certain packages, one must use a knife,

My feelings were inside,

It took time to get them opened up,

But it happened, despite my unbelief.

I will never be a closed up heart again,

But that does not mean my heart will mend.

I hurt, I feel so alone with it all.

My only answer to this insane is God.

He hears my cries, comforts my excruciating tries.

He lifts me up so I can see a new and different place to feel safe.

If he could let me borrow another heart, just once

I would let it display out loud and strongly.

I would not hide it, and let it crush me.

That is what I would do.

MwsR ❤

Short Story

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Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Pexels.com

Christmas  Tears

By MwsR
One day she was going to decorate her house just like you see it done in magazines and movies…but not today. She just couldn’t get into the Christmas spirit. Today she found herself thinking of Christmas’s past. She felt the feelings she had felt before, today she remembered it all.

It’s easy to get swept up in holiday traditions but what if your holiday traditions were erased? Hers had been, she had to understand though that all was not lost. She needed to know that holidays were and could be so much more than tradition.

This year, this time, she needed to find the meaning behind,the traditions and gatherings.

See for her there was so much that life had changed for her, that she needed to gather what she could. She needed meaning not traditions to keep her going.

When she was a child everything was so exciting,  she missed that feeling. Now that she grew older she longed for a truth, a realism she didn’t get from all the holiday hustle and bustle,  or from all the worrying over bills versus buying presents. Her world should be more. More than that she wanted everyone around her to be grateful.

Why should she struggle? Why couldn’t it look at easy as tv or movies, in that they all had smiles, presents,  and cheer?

She really thought hard and tried to find something that she could internally use, use to feel better.

Alongside remembering past holidays,  she remembered those who were no longer in her present, and she cried. She just sat there and felt the loss like it was happening there in that moment. She thought about the true meaning of Christmas and the sacrifice that people gave  many years ago ,  where two parents that had a newborn that was despised by man, yet loved and awaited by millions. The sacrifice they made to make sure he was safe and cared for. They left their family, their homes and their own comforts.

Sometimes, she thought, one must give more than they ever will receive in return. Sometimes no matter where we have been we can still find a place to belong. It all is in our hearts and minds, she thought.

Her Christmas tears turned on her mind, but she found the strength to keep trying, to keep looking for the answers, but with a newness of heart.

Christmas tears , the ones shed so long ago in a manger,  now in her own eyes…that made life seem clearer around this time of year.

The lesson is life can bring you down but if you look,more than you think can be found.

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Like a storm from out of nowhere

Drifting away like a dream or stare.

More scattered than the grains of sand

But finding common ground to stand.

Troubles thicker than molasses

Smears that collect upon the glasses.

Too much sometimes

Too little I find.

Promises that prick you like roses

People that will leave you in droves.

Lies without guilt

Steamy words from upon their lips.

I’m insignificant

Though I feel transparent.

Walking always, somewhere

But heading nowhere.

Jokes are about me

But I’m not laughing, you see.

Thoughts are for the things that matter

Not for hearts to shatter.

But can’t make it go

Can’t, you know?

Life and love intermingle

Circumstance and perhaps, all dangle.

Forward just one time

Backwards, when it tries to unwind.

Feelings…friends…words…and thoughts

MwsR